Naruto: A Cliche Parody 2 point 6 and a third
by NarutosBrat
Summary: Well, people asked for it, so here is the uber harem version of the original. I would suggest reading the author notes at the beginning.
1. Discovery

Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto isn't sick enough to think half the shit I plan to put in this story. And even if he was, he wouldn't actually do it.**

Warning: This is going to be almost identical to the other version, with the exception that certain scenes have been changed to facilitate a much larger harem. There are also a few other scenes that were changed, mostly because I thought of a different way to get the same results as the original.

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Chapter 1- Discovery

Naruto sat up with a groan, clutching his aching head. Last thing he remembered, was fighting against Sasuke, being on the verge of winning, and then being stabbed in the back, quite literally (with a needle holding a strong sedative), by some creepy looking woman in a tunic. Just before darkness took him, he could remember seeing Sakura try to rescue him, a golden beam coming from Sasuke's hand going through Sakura's heart, and hearing him call her pathetic.

After that, all he had were flashes of a cave, Akatsuki cloaks, some guy that looked like an even more feminine version of Sasuke standing next to the bastard, the fox calling someone a red eyed geriatric, and then Kyuubi mumbling about do-overs. Naruto suddenly paused when he thought over the flashes, and tried to make something of them. Kyuubi? Calling someone a geriatric? Now that's a pot and kettle moment if there ever was one.

Taking in his surroundings, Naruto found himself in what appeared to be a massive white waiting room. There were people milling about, some that looked like they might be from the Elemental Countries, and some that looked far too bizarre to be from anywhere near anyplace he knew. Standing on shakey legs, he stood, and decided to get some answers. Heading over to one of the desks, he rapped on the window to get the woman's attention. The woman seemed to ignore him, and just as he was about to knock harder, she stood, and vacated her seat. Naruto groaned in annoyance, his head sagging to hide his features.

"Excuse me?" Naruto lifted his head, and came face to face with a busty woman that reminded him of that pretty blonde from Kumo. "Take a number, and a time travel specialist will be right with you, dear." Trying not to stare at her rather generous bust (which was currently flashing more cleavage than the Mizukage and Tsunade-baachan combined), Naruto took a number, and found that it was in the way upper millions. Glancing over, he saw a sign that said, 'Now Serving #1,506'. He was going to be awhile.

'_Now the giant flea shelter's comment about do overs makes more sense._' Moving over to a couch near a table that had several magazines and manga, Naruto sat heavily with a sigh, and prepared to wait. Next to him, a small red fox hopped up onto his shoulder, took a look at his number, and groaned.

"And here I thought they'd have gotten some faster employees after that last incident." Shrugging, it added. "Well, best get comfortable, you're going to be here awhile."

"What do you mean, last incident?" Naruto asked. "You've been here before?"

"Of course, I'm the all mighty Kyuubi, I can travel back in time anytime I want." It replied. '_You've been here too, brat, but you just don't remember it. Glad I fixed that little issue with the jutsu. My chakra mixing with his was also what kept us connected, and was why I kept getting sent back with him; and since he's 'taken control' of it, that connection is finally severed. With me not attached to him, hopefully I can get sent somewhere more interesting._' Little did the fox know that he was definitely going to be sent somewhere interesting. As a matter of fact, he was soon to be headed to Feudal Japan, where he'd be spending a lot of time with a certain dog hanyou, the bitchy re-incarnation of a sexy priestess, a perverted monk, and a kunoichi with sibling issues that rivalled Sasuke.

Finally glancing at the table for something to do, Naruto looked down to find a manga with his picture on it. Picking it up in curiosity, he opened to a random page, and began to read, only to drop the book when he found the details of his mission to Wave so detailed in the book.

"Excuse me," He called. "What the hell is this?"

"Grr, Melvin, you idiot." A young man said to himself, as he had a manga shoved in his face by the very person on the front of the book. If there was one thing that had been drilled into them, it was that manga with characters capable of high level time travel were never to find manga about themselves in the waiting rooms, because it would make the standard memory adjustments during the send back process completely useless. "Well, it's too late now. I'll just have to make sure that Melvin knows to alert the proper people about his screw up."

The man began to promptly tell him all about his life, compliment him on all of his accomplishments, and even went on a rant about how Sasuke was a bastard that didn't deserve to be saved, and Sakura wasn't worth his time. Considering the former had betrayed the village out of jealousy, and the latter had had her feelings taken advantage of, only to be murdered after she'd realized that she'd been played, Naruto certainly didn't need to be told. Still, there were extinuating circumstances in both cases.

With Sakura, it was as simple a case as she'd grown to seem him like a little brother. Curious, he'd asked her why she always seemed to get angry when he got familiar with other girls. To find out that she had developed an extreme protective streak for him- given his newfound popularity, and her strong distrust of girls that reminded her of her preteen self- and that the only girls she'd really trusted with Naruto were Hinata or Ayame had been enlightening. She did admit, though, that her reasons when they were younger were much more selfish, but Naruto respected her wish not to go into it. Naruto was sure, if given the chance, he might have been able to recipricate Sakura's more siblingesque feelings, but sadly, they'd had their run in with Sasuke just two days later.

Sasuke was a bit more complicated. While running away to Orochimaru was near unforgivable, Naruto was certain that if they'd gotten to Sasuke before Madara did, he wouldn't have gone psycho like he had. Sasuke tended to believe any and everything people said that put his clan in a positive light, and tended to hold vicious grudges against anyone who spoke ill of them. It was a flaw just begging to be taken advantage of, and that geriatric Uchiha was more than willing to do so. With his ability to make even a bald faced lie sound true, and his tendency to add just enough of the truth to make his tall tales more believable, Madara had a very willing and eager audience in his former teammate.

Eventually, the young man ended his rant, and began going on about fanfiction. He even showed him to a computer where he could find some. Naruto was shown a popular fanfiction site, as well as a site that allowed one to read the entire Naruto series.

After what felt like months, and after reading the entire "Naruto" series (which he found differed in several places from what he remembered) and numerous fanfiction- his favorite authors being NarutosBrat (because the guy got him laid pretty often, and with hot kunoichi), Lucillia and Sarah1281 (because they were funny as all hell), MountainWind (he'd gotten him laid with Hinata, Tenten, two hot Oc's, and Tsunade; three of them all at once) and DsirinWsdm (the guy was just good)- Naruto finally had some semblance of what he was going to do when he went back. He was going to take a page out of the Crackfic genre, and have some fun. Konoha Beware!

First though, he needed to have something of a failsafe so that he didn't accidentally screw something up. He wouldn't be able to have any fun if he changed a bunch of major things, and lost his advantage. Getting onto the computer in the waiting room, he took the set of instructions from the tech guy, and typed them into the computer, creating the editing file that he needed. Once he was done, he copied the url, and opened a search engine. A quick trip to ff . net, an even quicker sign in, and a visit to his favorites page got him the user profile he wanted.

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Out beyond the fourth wall...

...a certain fanfiction author, we'll call him NarutosBrat for now, was checking his e-mail, when he noticed that he had a PM from someone named therealnaruto. Opening the e-mail, he found a rather interesting note. The note revealed that the sender was Naruto Uzumaki from Konoha, NB snickered at the silly person who would go so far in his imagination, and that he was in need of help. There was also a link in the message that would supposedly explain everything. NB naturally didn't trust links like that, but given that it would be fairly easy to report the profile from another computer should it be spam or a virus, NB clicks on the link. Almost as soon as he clicks it, something begins downloading onto his computer. When the download finished, a window popped up, and he had to stop himself from going into a convulsive twitch. There, on his screen, was a guy, who exactly resembled what he remembered a sixteen year old Naruto Uzumaki to look like, sitting in a waiting room.

"Okay, this is fucking freaky." NB said, staring in shock at the young man. He'd seen cosplayers before, but this was insanely accurate to the point of impossible. Not to mention, he didn't think a cosplayer could pull off the cartoon look.

"Hey, NarutosBrat," The man nodded. "Glad you came through, I don't think I have enough time to send this message to someone else. Now if you can see me, then it means the connection was a success." Naruto explained. "What has happened, is that Kyuubi has used a space time jutsu to send us back in time. Because of certain other events, I have become aware of the fourth wall; and you are going to be my connection to the other side. By clicking on the link, you're now connected to a seal the fox helped me create that will allow us to communicate, and you to make changes when I get back. With your help, I plan to make things interesting, like in crackfics, and prevent certain people from succombing to certain severe bouts of stupidity. The little box in the bottom right corner of your screen, is where you will help me make the changes for things; think of it like a fanfiction that you're helping one of the characters write. Just click on the 'help' button for further instructions. Now my number is almost up, and I need you to send me back to a specific time."

"Now serving number 987,654,321." The busty clerk called.

"Alright, I'm up, let's go to work." Naruto walked up to the desk, and whispered. "I sent you a pm telling you what I want done first, so don't forget." As the little window went blank, NB stared for a moment more, before opening the help menu, and checking the first of the changes Naruto wanted to make. After all, it wasn't the wierdest thing to ever happen to him, and given some of the stories he'd written and posted, and some of the ideas he still had for others...well this was technically normal. After a few moments, a sudden sinister smile crossed his face...this could be fun.

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7 years before Intended Arrival Day (IAD)...

As soon as Naruto arrived, he was forced to hide. He'd forgotten to give more specific instructions on when and where he'd wanted to arrive not knowing the exact date, just that it was on Hinata's birthday (which he was ashamed to admit that he didn't know), so NB had sent him back to his own apartment nearly a week before. Unfortunately, this was also the same day that his new apartment had been vandalized by a bunch of crazy villagers. Applying a quick Henge, Naruto slipped through the crowd of vandals, knocking one particular one over that was attempting to set fire to some of his things.

"Hey ninja-san, are we supposed ta be burning stuff." He asked, holding up the lighter the man had. The ninja took one look at the lighter, and the man responsible, before motioning for two other people there to escort him out of the building. Naruto was surprised at that. Smashing his stuff was okay, but burning it was wrong? Then again, he had heard about a guy being arrested a few days later for arsen. Anyway, Naruto slipped out of the apartment, and headed out into the village.

After a few hours of subtle questioning, he'd found out that the fighting between Kumo and Konoha shinobi had finally ceased, and that a delagation would be coming to sign a treaty in four days.

'_Great, I've got four days to kill._' Naruto thought. '_Hmm, I wonder if I can prank the Uchiha one time really good before my other appointment._'

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It was getting harder each day to avoid the merger that the continuum wanted to force with two Narutos living in the same time and universe. He knew that he should merge, his bodily instincts were telling him to merge, but it wasn't something that he could do just yet, it wasn't time. The seal he'd placed on himself (he grudgingly had to thank the fox for that) helped, but it wasn't going to hold for much longer. Luckily for him, today was the day he'd been waiting for. The day when he would fix one of the more annoying problems he'd have to deal with. Naruto walked through the forest whistling a jaunty little tune he'd learned from the Kyuubi; Pop Goes the Weasel was rather fitting for what he planned to do. As he felt the chakra signature approaching, he began to hum.

"Dum da dum da da da da dum, da dum da dum da dum dum, dum da dum da da da da dum-" Naruto balled his hand into a tight fist. THOOMP! "-goes Ita-chi." Naruto sang as he slammed his fist into the man's gut, knocking the air from his lungs.

The man dropped the bag that carried Hinata as all the air he thought he owned left in an instant. A swift chop to the neck, and he was out like a light. Naruto then swiftly used his Shapeshift jutsu- Kyuubi's pride wouldn't allow him to call his upgraded Henge a transformation- to change into his four year old self. Naruto strolled over, and freed Hinata, grinning at the frightened girl. "Hiya, I'm Naruto, yer purty." To his shock and surprise, Hinata flew into his arms, sobbing and clutching him tightly. It was about this time that Hiashi Hyuuga came upon the scene, finding his daughter clutching the village pariah as if her life depended on it, and the man who'd kidnapped her laying unconscious on the ground. He was tempted to kill the man for this insult, but decided that since he was already incapacitated, it would be best to hand him over to the Anbu that his brother had summoned.

Naruto noticed the man, and pulling Hinata away from him, pointed her to the direction of her father. Hiashi found himself suddenly holding onto his daughter's crying form (though he was inwardly impressed with the strength she was holding onto his leg). He gave a sad sigh, before looking up at the boy that had undoubtedly rescued is daughter, only to find he'd disappeared. What Hiashi didn't know, was that Naruto had released the seal, and NB had restarted the time travel process. Because of the pit stop, Naruto wouldn't be able to go back as far as he wanted, but he should be able to go back to just after he'd failed the Academy Exam, and take care of a few problems.

What Naruto didn't realize, was that his actions would have further reaching effects than he'd planned. Nothing serious, but something that would definitely be beneficial to him in the future. The incident allowed Konoha to gain another concession out of the treaty; namely one of their Jinchuuriki teaching Naruto how to control the Kyuubi's power once he learned of the burden.

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Well, here it is folks. Many have asked for it, so here's the uber harem version of Naruto: A Cliche Parody. Now, I have an opinion, and a question for you.

In the original version, I have set up Karin to be one of Naruto's girls. This set up was initially thought up shortly after Sasuke tried to kill her in canon, and she decided to give up on him. Now, she's somehow fallen right back into her obsession with Sasuke- again, after he showed a blatant disregard for her life- and I find myself having lost all respect I had for her. My question to you is, should I still add her to the original's harem roster, or should I just leave it for the uber harem?


	2. One Violation Deserves Another

**Disclaimer: Unless someone knows something I don't, I'm pretty sure I don't own Naruto.**

A/N: Don't expect updates this fast. It only happened because there were minimal changes to the original version.

Pre Wave Mini arc

Changes

1. Bloodline

2. make Kyuubi not an evil dick (not actually shown, but will be implied next chapter)

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A violation of trust deserves one in return

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Naruto arrived at probably one of the most inopportune times he could have...hanging from some, admittedly now, thin ropes in front of the Yondaime's face with a paint brush in hand. He'd have liked to have gone back further, but at least this would still give him a chance to take another crack at that bastard Mizuki. He couldn't wait to see the look on that bastard's face when he passed his exam. With a grin on his face, Naruto tossed the paint can down into the crowd of people, then made the handseal for the Shunshin...before realizing that he wasn't supposed to know that jutsu yet. If that many people, and several of them were shinobi who'd recognize the technique, saw him use that technique, it could land him in trouble, as well as having him brought forth to answer questions he'd rather not. Grabbing onto the ropes, Naruto began climbing back up, just as he heard Iruka yell out.

'_Shit, busted._'

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Naruto sat on the floor of the Academy classroom, again tied up, and cursing the forced deja-vu. He petulantly listened to Iruka's rant about him failing the graduation exam twice already, never realizing that he was practically replaying the same scene almost to the letter, but for different reasons. It wasn't until Iruka yelled for everyone to line up for a Henge test, did Naruto really start to pay attention.

As Naruto waited in line for his turn, he was having a fierce internal debate.

'_To Oiroke or not to Oiroke, that is the question._' Naruto thought sagely. '_Hmm, that sounded familiar, but I can't seem to place it for some reason._'

"It's Shakespeare, doofus." A voice in his head said. "And I think you should definitely Oiroke, only make it better. Oiroke into Iruka."

Iruka noticed the rather devious grin on Naruto's face, and while he didn't know why, he became incredibly fearful of the blond. Knowing there was nothing for it, he called the blond to the front, and awaited Naruto's performance. Placing his hands in the seal for transformation, Naruto called upon his chakra...which was far more than an E-rank Genjutsu/Ninjutsu hybrid required.

Was it his fault that he'd missed the lecture that explained that Henge was a Genjutsu/Ninjutsu hybrid, and not a full on Ninjutsu? No, it was the fault of the boy who'd hit him in the face with a spitball, and when he reacted in shock, it was the bigoted teacher's fault for tossing him out for disruption without even trying to find out what really happened. Thankfully for everyone's sense of justice, both the culprit and the teacher found themselves spending a lot of time on the toilet the next day...without toilet paper.

Anyway, as I was saying before, Naruto called upon more chakra than he needed for the jutsu. You know, one would think that given everything, he'd have learned at some point to properly perform the jutsu, especially when Tsunade and Jiraiya found out that his Henge wasn't normal...and I'm rambling again. Sorry, back to the story.

With a cry of Henge, Naruto performed the jutsu. The figure that emerged from the smoke both shocked (in a good way) and horrified Iruka. There, standing in front of him, was himself...only as an extremely sexy woman. From the hairstyle, the height, the similar, but more slight build, even to his facial scar, everything was there, and added to it was an hourglass figure, a very pleasant bust of a very nice size, wide, round hips, and from what he could see, likely a very plump, firm behind as well. Poor Iruka would be traumatized when the fact that he'd gotten a rocket nosebleed from seeing himself as a naked woman finally registered later that evening.

Naruto had just turned back when Iruka hopped back to his feet, and one Big Head no Jutsu later, Naruto had been chastised for creating, as Iruka put it, 'Stupid Skills'. And yes, you could tell from his tone that the two words were indeed capitalized. Things after that continued the same as they had before, with Naruto grumbling at the fact that he couldn't use the Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to help clean the mess. Again, that would bring about unwanted questions. While he planned to use the jutsu for his graduation exam, that could be played off as that being how he'd been taught to use the jutsu, which wasn't far from the truth.

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The next day found Naruto sitting in the back of the room awaiting his turn to take the exam. He was ready this time around, and wasn't bothered in the least about the Bunshin being on the test. When Hinata, who gave him a look of worry when the exam was announced, caught his eye, Naruto merely winked at her, causing her to look away rapidly, and her face to redden. Naruto had to admit, Hinata was rather adorable when she blushed. Naruto's mind wandered back to his previous life, and the woman that she'd blossomed into, and Naruto couldn't help wondering how stupid he'd been ignoring her for Sakura.

'_Yeah, not this time around, that was for sure._' Naruto thought. '_Although, I should probably wait until after training with Ero-Sennin, because dating her right now would make me feel like my pervert teacher...a dirty old man._'

It was nearly a half hour later when Naruto heard his name called. Standing from his seat, Naruto headed down the stairs in the classroom, passing closely by Hinata, and brushing against her shoulder. Hearing the girl squeak in surprise- and he just knew her face was beet red- Naruto grinned, and made for the next room.

"Alright Naruto, create three Bunshin, and you'll finally pass." Iruka said. Naruto gave a confident grin, put his hand in the cross ram seal, and while performing his signature technique, called out.

"Bunshin no Jutsu!" Much like his Bunshin, the Kage Bunshin that formed was just as useless. '_What, why didn't that work?_'

"I'm sorry, Naruto, but you fail...again." Iruka said, his face filled with remorse.

"Aww, come on Iruka-sensei, I could do it the last time I tried it." Which was true, even if he hadn't used the jutsu since coming back.

"Give him a break, Iruka-sensei." Mizuki said. "It's his third time, and he did technically create a clone."

"I'm sorry, Mizuki, but it wouldn't be fair to the others." Iruka said. "Everyone else divided into three, and all Naruto managed to create was a single clone, and even that clone was useless. I cant let him pass."

As soon as he left the exam room, he went back into the classroom, grabbed a piece of chalk from the board, and began going over his seal knowledge, because that was one of his biggest assets later, even as limited as it was. Naruto ignored the looks he was getting from the other members of his class, especially the ones who could partially see what it was he was writing on the board. To his surprise, his technique, and memory was flawless. Quickly erasing the board, he went to an open window, and tried to perform a simple Endan. Again, nothing happened.

'_Hmm, so anything with mostly theoretical application, like seals, I can still do; but physical things like my jutsu, I can't. Damn it, that means all of my hard earned chakra control is gone again._'

Face distraught at the last thought, Naruto exited the classroom, then the building, then headed over to the small playground, and took up his seat on the swing.

"So, I noticed that you're having some trouble with your jutsu." NB's voice sounded in his head.

'_Is that a part of the time travel?_' Naruto thought back. '_Or are you pranking me by making me learn everything over?_'

"That's part of the time travel." NB said. "You weren't even supposed to come back with your memories of the future, but that would kind of ruin the fun if that happened, right."

'_That's true. So I have to relearn everything I knew?_' Naruto asked, annoyed.

"Yes and no." NB said. "I was able to alter some things so you wouldn't have to start completely over. As you probably noticed with the Fuinjutsu, you have all the theory knowledge you had from before, but you have to reteach your body to perform the nin and taijutsu you haven't learned yet in canon...though only if you want access to it before you're supposed to learn it. After that, it'll be just like the last time you used it. You're also the same power level- you know, strength, speed, chakra, etc.- as your previous canon self at that age, since it didn't return with you, but since you're still knowledgable of your future training methods, you can use those to help speed up the process this time."

'_Thank god for the Fourth Wall._' Naruto said, rubbing his hands together. '_I can't wait to have some fun with that._'

"About that, I gave you some restrictions regarding the Fourth Wall. Only a certain amount of changes per arc, although I might interfere if needed." In his mind, he added. '_With the exception of certain extremely cheating- even by ninja standards- members of the Akatsuki._'

'_Wha- I can't believe that you gave me restrictions._' Naruto raged to NB.

"Just because you have a large amount of influence on things now, doesn't make you a Kami. Besides, it'll attract suspicion if people think you're suddenly too strong after being a dunce for most of your shinobi life."

Naruto couldn't deny that. He certainly didn't want to attract more negative attention from the fangirls and villagers for being better and stronger than Sasuke. Nor did he want to attract the interest of that creepy bastard Danzo. Sure the guy loved Konoha, and was extremely loyal, but Naruto didn't like his methods of operation.

"Also, I want to make sure that you don't get reliant on this like certain bastards got reliant on their bloodlines." Naruto grumbled, but acknowledged the point. He just had to bring up that bastard to win an argument. "Besides, the restrictions make it interesting, and the changes should mostly be used for emergencies, or timeline altering things. As I said, it'll help teach you some responsibility and wise decision making. You'll need that when you become Hokage."

'_Great, I had to pick the one fucking author who wants me to learn life lessons while I'm having fun, and I can't really bitch about it, because he makes good points._' Naruto grumbled. '_I knew I should have went with SilverFang or Sketchfan. They'd have let me do what I want._'

"Yeah, but would they have been able to come up with some of the stuff that we plan on doing to people later?"

'_Well no, but that's only because they're normal, sane people, and you're a sick, twisted bastard._'

"Hey, before the site cracked down, this sick, twisted bastard got you laid." NB argued. "And with several girls I know you wanted to, as well."

'_True, but you also made me do my mom and Hinata's little sister._'

"Feh, your mom is hot, and fifty bucks says Hinata's sister wants to do you by the time she turns sixteen. Another twenty says she pursues you if you're still single. And another twenty after that says she'd share you with Hinata if Hinata's still single."

Naruto decided not to comment on that, as the only versions of Hanabi he knew, and had seen, were the 'precoscious' seven year old, and the 'too grown up for her own good' ten year old. Naruto was just about to ask about using the fourth wall for very minor changes that wouldn't really effect anything, when he was interrupted from his thoughts by Mizuki.

As he sat on the roof of his apartment with Mizuki, Naruto mostly ignored the man's ramblings about Iruka. He was telling Naruto things about his father figure that he already knew, and it was almost insulting for Mizuki to think he was more knowledgable about Iruka than he himself was. It wasn't until Mizuki mentioned that there was another, secret graduation test did Naruto actually listen to him.

It was another ten minutes before we found Naruto sneaking through the Hokage's home. Even with all of a Jounin's skill in stealth, it was damn near impossible to sneak up on the old man. While this wasn't the case with Naruto, there was still something nostalgic about hitting his Jiji with the Oiroke.

"Naruto, what are you doing in my home?" Hands in the seal for his 'Not Henge', Naruto called.

"Oiroke no Jutsu, Tsunade Centerfold."

When the smoke cleared away, there standing before the Sandaime was the form of his very busty female student...naked. Like a daughter she may be to him, Sarutobi was still a man who could appreciate the physical attributes of the beautiful woman that she grew into. The next few seconds found the venerable Hokage known as the Professor laying on the ground, a blood splatter on the wall, and a small puddle dripping from his nose. Further sneaking found Naruto the Forbidden Scroll, and after strapping it over his back, he climbed out a window, and took off to place Mizuki had told him he was to meet his examiner.

Once he arrived, Naruto opened the scroll, and began to read the instructions for his favorite jutsu. This time, he takes the time to fully peruse the jutsus instructions, before performing the jutsu. After he'd finished, and realized just how awesome, and how much potential the jutsu had in his hands, Naruto formed the familiar seal. Hoping that it worked, he gathered his chakra, and tried to create ten Kage Bunshin. He got thirteen.

"Oh well, at least it works now." Naruto said. "I'll just have to work on my chakra control."

He was about to roll the scroll back up, before a sudden thought struck him. He had the time, he may as well learn another jutsu. A quick perusal found another interesting technique, the Bunshin Bakuha. Knowing that trying to learn that techinique at the moment, and the numerous explosions that would result, would bring about his discovery faster than he could learn it. Creating a few Kage Bunshin, he had one Henge into a blank scroll, and another Henge into an ink pot. He then copied the instructions for the Bunshin Bakuha. Once he was done, he handed everything to one of the extra clones that had come, and told him to head back to the apartment and copy it on a real scroll.

"And make sure the inkpot isn't dispelled before you finish, or the ink will disappear too." Naruto told the clone. Nodding, the clone hopped away to his assigned task. After that had been taken care of, naruto opened the scroll even further, and began studying the last technique on the scroll...the one detailing the jutsu that sealed the fox inside him until the others arrived.

Now since I'm sure everyone reading this is pretty much familiar with what happens next, I won't bother you with the details. With the exception of Naruto not reacting to being told he was Kyuubi, nothing really changed. It wasn't until Mizuki had Iruka cornered that things got interesting.

"I had planned to kill you later, but I've changed my mind." Mizuki said, spinning his giant shuriken. "Just die." As the Chuunin charged, Iruka gave a slight smirk, ready to face his death. He knew that Mizuki wouldn't get the scroll. Naruto was better at evading people than most of the ninja in the village. Two meters from death, a shadow intervened, kneeing Mizuki in the chin. As Mizuki was knocked backwards from the strength of the blow, the shuriken flew off into the woods, lodging into the chest of the surprised Root ninja who'd been spying on the scene taking place. Struggling to his feet, Mizuki glared before growling.

"You shouldn't have done that." Naruto glared right back.

"Touch Iruka-sensei, and I'll kill you." And unlike the first time he'd said it, Naruto felt he could go through with it this time.

"You idiot, why'd you come back." Iruka shouted. "You should have just run away."

"Heh, a little punk like you, I'll kill you in one shot." Mizuki boasted.

"Not if I deal with you first." Naruto returned, bringing his hand into a very familiar seal. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" And suddenly, Mizuki wasn't feeling so bold anymore. There was orange all over the place. In the clearing, in the surrounding forest, up in the trees, everywhere.

"What's going on?"

"What's wrong, teme?" The Naruto's teased. "I thought you were going to kill me with one shot. Fine, if you're not going to..."

With that, an orange clad figure darted forward, and kneed Mizuki in the chin. Three more slid beneath him, and kicked him into the air, while a final clone springboarded off the first one's head into the air. With a triumphant yell, he performed the same move he'd used on Kiba in the Chuunin Exams. But Naruto wasn't quite done with Mizuki yet, oh no, that bastard had more coming for sabotaging his taijutsu education. While this was going on, all of the other clones had jumped into the air, and performed a mass Henge. What appeared was a giant pair of hands performing the tiger seal. This seal then began a rapid descent towards the ground, aiming directly for a particularly vulnerable spot that just so happened to be poking up in the air after Naruto's team attack.

Iruka gave a pained wince as the attack hit home, and vowed to castrate Kakashi on principle alone.

'_Sennin Goroshi._' He thought. '_I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, especially not the way Naruto just used it._'

"Hehe, oops." Naruto said, but his tone was completely unapologetic. And thus, Naruto once again graduated under suspicious circumstances.

888

The next day, as Naruto was turning in his completed registration form, the meeting was interrupted by a small child barging into the room.

"Fight me, old man." The brat yelled, before tripping over his own, overly long scarf. Naruto sighed.

'_He's not even my apprentice yet, and he's already embarrassing me._' Naruto thought. The next moment, the boy jumped to his feet, looked around the room, and pointed at Naruto.

"You, you tripped me." He yelled. "You set up some kind of trap."

"Uh, no, you tripped over your scarf, or possibly your own feet."

"No way, it's your fault." Konohamaru yelled. "Just when I'd gotten the drop on him, and had him beat, you go and ruin things for me."

"You really think you can beat him?" Naruto asked Konohamaru, already knowing the answer.

"Yup." Naruto couldn't help the snort of laughter that came.

"Let me put this into perspective for you runt." Sarutobi almost choked on his pipe hearing such a large word come from Naruto, but smiled knowing that he was at least smarter than he'd feared given the boy's poor academic performance. "I could beat you with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. You could probably hold your breath for ten times the length of time it would take jiji to beat me. You haven't got a chance right now, so stop being stupid." The last four words were punctuated by Naruto bopping the kid on the skull, much like Sakura and Tsunade had been fond of doing to him. He then rounded on Ebisu. "And you!"

"Me?" The man asked pointing at himself.

"How dare you call yourself an elite tutor putting ideas like that in his head. There are no shortcuts to becoming Hokage, any ninja worth their shit knows that. If this is the kind of stuff you're going to be teaching kids, I hope you never make Jounin and get a Genin squad of your own. They'd end up getting themselves killed on a stinking D-rank with you leading them." So shocked was Ebisu at Naruto's declaration, that he didn't notice that Naruto had walked up to him, until he felt a searing pain in his shin. "Dummy."

888

Walking down the streets of Konoha, Naruto couldn't help the growl that came from him.

"That fucking idiot is going to get those three killed, I just know it." Naruto raged. "Well screw this, I'm not letting that happen. I'm going to get myself promoted at the Chuunin Exams, and then I'm going to become a Jounin, so that I can get them as my own squad." Naruto suddenly felt something on the edge of his senses. '_Speak of the little devil._' Turning to the section of the fence where the wood ran horizontal instead of vertical, Naruto spoke. "Y'know, if you're going to use that technique, you should probably get the directions of the wood right." The curtain fell.

"Hah, I new you'd see through my disguise." Konohamaru said. "I'll make you my boss. With you teaching me, I'll defintely become the Hokage. So please teach me the Sexy Jutsu you used to defeat my grandpa."

"You remember what I said about there being no shortcuts to Hokage, right?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah boss, but making grandpa pass out with a nosebleed seems like it would be funny." The boy answered. Naruto found that he couldn't disagree there.

"Okay, I'll teach you." Naruto said. "Just don't do it too often. He's old, and you don't wanna accidentally hurt him too bad, right?" Konohamaru shook his head. "So how come you were so determined to defeat jiji, and become Hokage?"

"No one ever calls my by my name." Konohamaru grumbled. "Everyone always addresses me as the Honorable grandson, and they always give me special treatment because of it."

"Hmm, that kind of sucks." Naruto said. "Well, come on, let's go get you learned up. First though, we're gonna have to borrow one of those pervy books, so you can get an idea of what kind of girl you want to change into." And thus, the corruption began.

888

"Hey Naruto," Exclaimed Random-Genin-Number-5-Who-Would-Never-Amount-To-More-Than-A-Filler-Character. "Only those that passed are supposed to be here."

"Yes, well, Mizuki decided to turn traitor, and steal the Forbidden Scroll." Naruto said. "I helped apprehend him, and learned the Kage Bunshin, which is like the Academy jutsu on steroids. The Hokage decided to give me a field promotion." The boy's retort was interrupted by another voice.

"Excuse me." Sakura said. "Will you let me through?" The boy moved, and Sakura bore down on him. "Naruto, move your ass, I want to sit on the other side of you."

"Hey, why the hell did you ask him nicely, but then yell at me?" Naruto asked.

"Shut up." Sakura yelled, hitting him in the head. Naruto barely winced at the strike, and had to hide a grin when Sakura shook her hand a bit in pain.

"You know what, forget it." Naruto said as he was about to get up. "I had a nightmare last night about today." He said. "Long story short, something happened dealing with his fangirls, Sasuke and I ended up face to face glaring at each other. Someone bumped into me, which then resulted in me kissing the teme. Just in case something like that happens for real, I'm sitting next to Hinata, so that I'll at least end up kissing someone I want to."

"Eep!" Thud! Needless to say, Hinata lost consciousness, and her face was very red.

"Aww, she's so cute when she does that." As Naruto watched, almost feeling sorry for the bastard, Ino came in, and a fight between the two biggest fangirls broke out. Unable to take the squabbling any longer, and curious as to what it was about Sasuke that they liked, Naruto spoke up.

"Okay, someone please explaing to me why it is that you like Sasuke, again?" Naruto asked.

"Because he's so dark and mysterious, he's really handsome, he's a great ninja, he's all aloof and cool, and he seems so in need of love, but keeps stubbornly pushing everyone away." Sakura said.

"Or maybe you're all just in denial of the fact that he wants absolutely nothing to do with any of you, and doesn't consider any of you worth his time." The outcry of anger that resulted from this comment made Naruto shake his head.

"He just doesn't want to get close to people after what happened to his family." Ino said. "He's so great."

"God, I feel like such a fucking moron." Naruto said. Ino looked to comment, but was cut off when he continued. "I've been an orphan my whole life, and had the entire village hate me and treat me like garbage for things beyond my control. Do you mean to tell me that if I wanted someone to care for me and love me, then instead of foolishly trying to get attention and be accepted, I should have been trying to push people away and isolate myself? I'll admit, I might not have the emo or handsome thing going for me so much, but I've got just as good a sob story as Sasuke-teme does, and unlike him, mine actually involves my life being in danger...every year...on my birthday, no less."

Okay, so he was exhaggerating a bit, and it only happened twice, but it still happened.

"Sasuke-kun's life was in danger." Random fangirl number thirteen cried. "His brother was so strong, Sasuke was so brave for facing him."

'_Not brave, stupid._' Naruto thought. '_Even I wouldn't go after Itachi, and I beat Pein._'

"I doubt it." Naruto said, rolling his eyes. "Itachi killed the best the clan had to offer with ease, so I highly doubt he felt at all threatened by teme, and there were kids younger than Sasuke there, so it wasn't because he was just a kid. If Itachi had truly intended to kill Sasuke, he'd have done it, so I highly doubt Sasuke's life was ever in any real danger." Sasuke's eyes narrowed. As much as he hated to admit it, the Dobe did make some sense. So why did Itachi spare him?

"You're just jealous because you don't have a fan club." Naruto just rolled his eyes. He could tell she was arguing for arguments sake, and it was one of those things that detracted from her beauty.

"I'm glad I don't have a fan club, and for several reasons." He ticked each one off on a finger. "Those being: a. I don't have to listen to yelling," He looked pointedly at Ino. "-banshee screeching," His gaze turned to Sakura "-or arguing fan girls all the time; b. I don't have to constantly worry about being glomp attacked at all times of the day, c. I can enjoy quiet moments without the worry of being stalked for dates, and d. I have more privacy."

"Quiet and privacy?" Sasuke asked, sounding wistful.

"Yes, privacy. I could walk around my home bare assed, and not have to worry about whether one of those wretched fan girls is peeping on me." He decided on 'could' so as to not let it known that he did walk around his apartment bare assed when it got hot. "I can even train without being stalked. If anything, Sasuke is more than likely jealous of my **lack** of fan girls." Ino and Sakura grew very disgruntled looks when Sasuke didn't bother to deny the fact. Not that he really would have did so aloud, but he did secretly agree with the dobe.

"Well, you're still not a great ninja like Sasuke-kun." Ino taunted.

"For his age you mean." Naruto said. "Great ninja in general tend to have made names for themselves outside of their village, and tend to have A-S rankings in the Bingo Book." Ino stuck her tongue out at him. "And I might not be the best ninja, but I figure that being able to use a Jounin level jutsu as easily as I can, as well as being able to evade and outwit Anbu dressed in bright orange, should be worth something."

"Yeah right, Naruto, like you could outwit Anbu." Ino said, rolling her eyes.

"Actually, if you ask any Anbu that's been there for at least a year, I'm sure they'll have some interesting stories to tell you." A voice suddenly interrupted. "I remember a certain incident with laxatives and a lack of toilet tissue."

"I still say I'd have gotten away if a certain old geezer hadn't tripped me up." A clearing of the throat brought attention to the Hokage. "Oops, sorry Jiji." He was suddenly chastized by half a dozen people yelling at him to respect the Hokage. "Whatever. So, what are you doing here? Isn't Iruka sensei supposed to be giving out our team assignments?"

"Iruka...ahem. One of our Special Jounin decided to uh...help Iruka on his road to recovery last night, and he's not going to make it this morning." Naruto snickered at the Hokage's red face. '_Already?_' The reply that he received made it difficult for him to keep a straight face. He couldn't disagree, though. Iruka really needed to get laid, and Anko did have a crush on him, so why not? "Now take your seats, I'm going to read off your teams. The teams are as follows."

888

Naruto, having just decided on a filling lunch of Ichiraku ramen, could be found headed in the direction of the small stand. He'd stayed behind, and talked to the Hokage about possibly getting a change of team, maybe to Kurenai's team, he could easily replace Kiba. Unfortunately, his reasons for wanting the switch- Sasuke being a bastard, Sakura being annoying, and wanting to have easier access to his new hobby of making Hinata blush- weren't enough to get him the change he wanted.

As he made his way to Ichiraku's, he spotted Sakura several meters ahead, sitting on a bench across from a small stand that specialized in Onigiri. Remembering what happened this day in his first life, Naruto decided that now might be a good time to start Sakura down the road of healing. With a quick dip behind a bush, and an even quicker Henge, Naruto came back out, and continued his stroll. As he came upon the girl, he heard her voice.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura called. "Would you like to join me for lunch? I accidentally ordered too much." Naruto looked at the portion, and had to fight back a groan. The order was barely fit for a child of Konohamaru's size, and it was obvious that she had barely touched it.

"Sakura," He replied dully. He then inwardly shivered. Being so emo and emotionless left you with a creepy feeling. "You're so smart, that you're stupid." Sakura's look of shock was priceless. "Stop starving yourself, it's sickening. And stop chasing me, and go after someone that actually wants to be with you before they lose interest and you end up alone." With that, Naruto continued his stroll down the street to his favorite restaurant.

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked his retreating back.

"**What was that?**" Inner Sakura yelled.

"I think he wants me to go out with Naruto." Inner Sakura was silent in disbelief, before something occurred to her.

"**Wait, you think Sasuke-kun might have been testing us?**" She asked. "**You know, to see if we'd be loyal to him. Like if we'd betray him for another boy, or if we really loved him.**"

"You're right." Sakura said, aloud, scaring a small girl who was walking past. "Well, I'm not going to stray."

"**Don't worry Sasuke-kun, you're the only man for us, Shannaro!**"

Yep, she really needs to stop listening to that Inner Persona...she totally missed the point on that one.

888

Kakashi snickered to himself as he strolled leisurely down the hallway. Stopping outside the door, he listened in for a little bit, before announcing himself.

"Grr, where is he?" Sakura groused. "He's like three hours late, and Naruto's not even back yet either, where is that moron?" Curiosity getting the better of him, Kakashi entered the room, and sure enough there were only two Genin sitting in the room.

"Hmm, after reading your files, my first impression would have been that I didn't like you guys." Kakashi said. "But since you've managed to lose a teammate before you even started as a team, I'm going to ammend my opinion. You guys suck. Meet me on the roof."

With that, Kakashi Shunshined away, planning on having a Kage Bunshin search for his wayward pupil. Imagine his shock, when upon reaching the roof of the building, he found his student already waiting for him, casually munching on a bowl of ramen. Once the other two arrived, Sakura immediately stomped over, and punched her wayward teammate for not coming back on time.

"Here I was thinking that you might like some alone time with your precious Sasuke-kun." Naruto returned. "Hmph, last time I try to be nice to you." Sakura had the good grace to look ashamed, but quickly played it off.

"Well, now that we're all here, how about introductions?" Kakashi said. "You know, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future."

"Uh, sensei, why don't you go first?" Sakura asked. "Show us what to do."

"Fine, my name is Kakashi Hatake, I like-" Kakashi was startled to find the spiel he'd been so looking forward to delivering interrupted.

"Icha Icha Paradise (specifically chapter six), annoying Gai-sensei, being late just to annoy people, and making up ridiculous excuses for why you're late. You dislike what happened to your father, Danzo for spearheading the scandal that followed, and the fact that Obito was killed saving your ass. Your hobbies include reading Icha Icha in public just to piss people off, and taunting Gai-sensei. Your dreams for the future are to see Icha Icha made into a movie, and maybe star in one opposite Yukie Fujikaze." Kakashi eye-smiled, but inwardly was a little wary of the blond. How had anyone been able to figure out so much about him, especially the part about Yukie?

"You seem to know an awful lot about me." Kakashi said. "May I ask how?"

"I did my research." Naruto said. "A person can get a lot done with a couple dozen Kage Bunshin and three hours to kill. Not to mention, there are a lot of annoyed people willing to give up the dirt about you."

"Since you want to be so cheeky, why don't you go next?" Naruto shrugged.

'_You all already know who I am. I like ramen, training, how cute Hinata-chan gets when she blushes, and gardening to an extent. I used to like Sakura, but then I realized that I'm not into masochism. I dislike arrogant emo bastards, people who look down on others, people who judge prematurely, fangirls who starve themselves because they're trying to keep thin, while foolishly putting their teammates in danger because they aren't gaining any muscle tone that is crucial to being a shinobi. I also dislike late sensei who obsess over one student, and ignore their others. Most importantly, I dislike the three minutes it takes to cook instant ramen. My hobbies include taking care of my plant, learning about seals, and trying new flavors of ramen at Ichiraku. My dreams for the future, prevent Sasuke from betraying Konoha for vengeance and becoming an uber prick, prevent Sakura from having her emotions toyed with by Sasuke the uber prick, and to not get pre-maturely killed again. After that, maybe I'll marry Hinata and have a bunch of kids, and become Hokage.'_ Naruto thought all of this, but decided to just keep things as simple as possible.

"You already know who I am. I like stuff, and I dislike stuff, but that's not important. My new hobby is seeing how much I can make Hinata-chan blush, and I hope to marry my cute little Hina-chan and become Hokage one day." Naruto inwardly smirked, enjoying the shocked scowl on Sasuke's face, the look of annoyed betrayal on Kakashi's, and the combo of shocked and betrayed on Sakura's, though why she sported the latter expression, he didn't know.

Naruto mostly tuned out the rest of the meeting, already knowing what was going to happen; only paying enough attention to comment on the introductions. His "Why am I not at all surprised?" after Sakura's rant resulted in his having to dodge her fist. Getting used to the woman she grew into, and then being forced to be around what she used to be, had taken a lot of the shine out of Sakura that had been there. Naruto couldn't help the feeling of disgust at the girl she used to be, and how often she took swings at him for no apparent reason. We'll skip what he said to Sasuke, but suffice it to say, he had to dodge Sakura's fist again.

Once they'd been dismissed, again he took great happiness out of watching Sakura and Sasuke's reactions to the bell test, Naruto decided now was as good a time as any to lay some foundation.

"Okay, since we're a team now, I think it prudent that we establish some ground rules." At their shocked looks, Naruto rolled his eyes. "Rule number one, I don't care how cool your fangirls think it makes you look, Sasuke, while we're on duty, no brooding about your brother. Do that shit on your own time. Rule number two, I don't care how you feel about Sasuke, Sakura, no fangirling while we're on duty. Obsessing over Sasuke when you're supposed to be paying attention to a mission can get us killed." Glaring, Sakura interrupted.

"Rule number three, _Naruto_, no more asking me out on dates." She gave him a smirk, to which he shrugged.

"That's fine." Naruto said. "I'd rather date Hinata anyway." He missed the look of utter shock and hurt when he turned to Sasuke. "Teme?"

"Is that all?" Sasuke growled. "I have some training to do." Naruto shrugged, and the broody boy left.

"You know, as much as he thinks about Itachi, one might mistake him for having a Brother Complex." Naruto leaned back to avoid a swing from Sakura. "Rule number four, no more trying to hit me for stupid reasons that only make sense to yourself."

888

"Grr, where are they?" Sakura yelled. "He told us to be here at 8, and he's almost three hours late."

"Yo," Kakashi said.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura screamed. Kakashi was about to reply, but noticed that he was missing a Genin.

"Hmm, looks like we're missing someone." It was at this point that Naruto arrived via the tree line from another training ground where he'd been working on regaining his chakra control, and where about three dozen clones were still trying to either stick leaves to their foreheads, or climb a tree.

"YOU'RE LATE, NARUTO!" Sakura screamed, only to receive a grin from the blond, who then proceeded to turn and look at Kakashi as he answered.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got lost on a train of thought, and missed my stop." Kakashi's mouth dropped open as Sakura screamed.

"LIER!" Not only had the gaki stolen his introduction, but he stole his thing...and even had a better excuse. It would seem that he was going to have to have a talk with his student about gimick infringement. It's at this point that someone really should point out that _he'd_ actually stolen the lateness and bad excuses thing from his teammate Obito.

888

As Naruto hid from his sensei, he couldn't help but chuckle. He'd been the only one to eat breakfast, just as he knew he would be. As he sat in the tree, watching Kakashi stand there, he couldn't help but feel a deep seeded desire to try and fight Kakashi. When an image of Kakashi in the Sennin Goroshi pose, and not himself, but Sasuke flying through the air, he knew where the desire came from.

Kakashi stood in the clearing, his face not showing it, but he was very wary. He could sense Sasuke hiding in a tree on one side of the clearing, and Sakura hiding beneath a bush. Naruto...Naruto had just disappeared. He'd been on a few of the early Naruto chases, and had to admit the boy had talent in stealth and evasion, even at seven. He'd already retired from Anbu by the time Naruto's abilities evading the Anbu had reached their legendary status. He hadn't wanted to believe Yuugao or Yamato when they'd told him the boy could almost disappear at will, but now he was finding himself truly impressed.

Just as suddenly as the boy had disappeared, Kakashi found himself staring at his blond student.

"Before we start, I was thinking about a little demonstration." Naruto proposed.

"What did you have in mind?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that Sasuke thinks that being an Uchiha means that he can probably beat you alone, and get the bells. I thought it might be a good idea for him to see what a Jounin is capable of, and why you have the repuation you do." With a hand seal, the area was full of clones. "Well, have fun."

"Are you sure you're not hiding in there somewhere, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, twirling a kunai.

"Nope, boss said he wanted to make a point to Sasuke and Sakura." A clone in front said, before saluting; an action the others mimicked. "Kakashi-sensei, we who are about to die, salute you."

"Well, it has been awhile since I could really let go." The Jounin said, with a smile behind his mask. Then to Sasuke and Sakura's shock, he disappeared, and clones started disappearing in bunches. Once the last one went poof, Naruto again seemingly appeared out of thin air.

"Okay, now it's time to really do this." Naruto said. "I know I probably don't stand a chance, but I'd like to see how I stack up against a Jounin. Especially one as infamous as Sharingan Kakashi." He knew that theoretically he had nearly surpassed Kakashi, but physically, that was no longer the case.

Naruto wasted no time going on the attack. While it wouldn't be nearly as fluid as before, and was almost useless without Sage Chakra- at least until he could gain enough control to safely channel chakra to his limbs to enhance his strikes like normal shinobi were able to, without blowing up his arms and legs in the process- his Frog Kata was still a formidable Taijutsu style. Leading with a punch that was easily blocked, Naruto followed up with a spinning backhand to the other side. Kakashi also blocked this, but got a surprise when Naruto suddenly bent his arm to try for an elbow to the temple. Kakashi released him, and bent his head back to dodge the blow, before tossing Naruto away.

"Hmm, seems you're better than your file suggested." Kakashi said, both pleased and annoyed. "Looks like I won't even have time for Icha Icha." Looking on, both Sakura and Sasuke were wondering where this sudden level of skill had come from, because he sure hadn't had it when he was in the Academy.

"Well that didn't work." Naruto groaned, his hands forming a cross ram seal. "Time to take this up another notch. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Six Narutos appeared, and sparing less than a tic to grin at his sensei, all seven Narutos attacked at once. It was a testament to Kakashi's skill, that he was able to defend himself against the surprise attack from all seven. Despite the lack of intelligence and natural talent that Naruto had possessed as an adolescent, his unpredictability still made him fairly capable as a shinobi. With some actual skill to back up Naruto's uniquely unusual skillset, so many of the blond could easily overwhelm even a higher level Chuunin.

Still, Kakashi wasn't an elite for nothing. Two blocks, three dodges, and a captured fist later, Kakashi gave an eyesmile before flashing into action, dispersing Kage Bunshin with a speed that Naruto wouldn't be able to keep up with for another four years in normal continuity. When there was only one left, Kakashi again gave Naruto an eyesmile.

"Well, I'll admit I'm impressed." Kakashi said. "For a moment, I thought little Uchiha-chan might be the only one on the team with any ability, even with your knowing Kage Bunshin."

"Let's try this again." Naruto said, creating another squad of clones, this time double the number. At first he'd only wanted to see how he'd stack up against his sensei. Now though, he wanted to get one of those bells.

With a gesture, half of the Kage Bunshin attacked, while the rest disappeared. Giving Naruto a calculating look, Kakashi readied himself. The attack came just a bit faster than before, but this time, Kakashi was ready for it, and wasn't surprised by the skill of the clones. With an almost ease that annoyed the blond, Kakashi dispatched of the clones. Just as he'd taken out the last with a lazy flick of a shuriken, the real Naruto attacked.

Naruto threw a left kick that Kakashi ducked, but was again surprised when the boy pivoted, and brought the foot back around, striking even faster than before. Kakashi blocks the attack by grabbing Naruto's leg, and almost gets clocked when the other foot makes a follow-up attempt on on his head. After grabbing this leg as well, Kakashi realized what position the blond was now in. Not giving the boy a chance to go for the bells which were within his reach, Kakashi brought his knee up to give the boy a shot to the sternum.

Imagine his surprise when the boy he was holding dispersed into smoke, throwing his balance off for a moment. Naruto wasted zero time trying to capitalize, as several more clones came at Kakashi from all sides in a distraction. While Kakashi was busy engaging them, another Naruto suddenly shot out of the ground, and went for the bells. Kakashi only just dodged in time with a Kawarimi- causing several of the clones to end up attacking another of Naruto's clones- but Naruto was already on the attack, a plan already going through his mind.

A clone at his back, Naruto went in for a punch, but found his plan derailed immediately. Kakashi again used a Kawarimi, but this time with the clone that was tailing him. Naruto's punch dispersed the startled clone, and set Kakashi up for his next attack.

"A ninja isn't supposed to get caught from behind." Kakashi said, seriously. Sakura tried to yell a warning, but as Kakashi would inform him seconds later with a glint in his eye. "Too late. Hiden Konoha Ninpou: Sennin Goroshi!"

One thing that Naruto had learned about the Kawarimi, so your long as your chakra could overpower that of the target after the chakra for the jutsu was used (though catching your target off guard would allow someone with a weaker chakra to do the same), you could switch with anything, even other people. And if there was one thing that Naruto knew, it was that he could switch places with all of his teammates. A millisecond before Kakashi's thrust forward fingers connected, there was a puff of smoke, and Naruto was no longer standing in front of him, but a startled and confused Sasuke. Too bad for the Uchiha, he was already committed to the attack, and there was no way to stop it now.

As Kakashi watched the Uchiha genius fly through the air from his chakra enhanced ass poke, he couldn't help but smile beneath his mask.

'_Using others as a meatshield to avoid embarrassing situations,_' Kakashi thought. '_He is his mother's son after all. Oh well, I'll have to catch him later...now to play with the others._' A quick Shunshin later, and Kakashi was gone.

888

From his place in Sasuke's former hiding spot, Naruto plotted his next move. Feeling out with his senses, Naruto located Sakura, and headed in that direction, knowing that she was next on Kakashi's torture list. He arrived just in time to hear his sensei say.

"Sakura, behind you." The pinkette turned, only to find Kakashi staring at her with his hands in a rat seal. A massive swirl of leaves later, and Sakura saw her sensei disappear. Eyes drooping drowsily, Sakura began to sway, a bit before snapping back to wakefulness.

"Huh, what was that?" Sakura asked. "Where'd he go?"

Sakura found herself very wary of the fact that Kakashi-sensei had snuck up behind her...she didn't want to be ass poked after all. A moment later she shook her head, grumbling about overly dramatic sensei using so many leaves to Shunshin away; he hadn't used that many before. Just as she was about to go continue her search for Sasuke, she heard a voice behind her that made her heart flutter call her name.

"Sasuke-kun?" She said turning, a bright smile on her face. The smile rapidly fell to make way for a paled, horror stricken visage when she caught sight of her beloved.

He was kneeling on the ground, barely holding himself up with the help of a tree. There were kunai and shuriken sticking out of his arms, back, and chest, each would bleeing freely. His left leg was broken at the shin, the foot turned facing backwards in a sickening manner. The most serious injuries however, were his missing right eye, and the decapitated left arm which had been cut off from just above the elbow down. Her brain tried to come to terms with what it was seeing and what she knew. Sasuke-kun was the best, and nothing like this could ever happen to him...yet she could see just as plain as day that it had happened.

From his perch above Kakashi, Naruto snickered when he saw Sakura's eyes go wide, tears begin to fall, but he almost started laughing when she screamed, and started foaming at the mouth. He could remember the time they'd been reminiscing about that first bell test, and she'd revealed what Kakashi forced her to see. For a thirteen year old fangirl- who Sakura had even admitted was ill-fit to be a ninja- that event was suitably traumatizing

"I think I might have overdone it." Kakashi said.

"Nah, she needs a fangirl rude awakening." Naruto said, startling the Jounin. "I say you went easy on her. Don't worry, I'm not going to attack you again yet, I'm here for Sakura. Go play with Sasuke, now. I'm sure he's recovered from being molested, and is ready to prove he's better than you." Kakashi gave Naruto a queer look, before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

Naruto gave a sigh, before dropping to the ground next to his still frothing teammate. A quick Henge later, and Sasuke Uchiha stood in the clearing. Squatting, Naruto placed his hand on her shoulder, and channeled some chakra into the unconscious girl, before backing up. A second later, Sakura shot up, gasping for breath, in a panic.

"Sasuke-kun!" She cried out.

"What?" Naruto asked, imitating the other boy. Sakura turned, and eyes wider than he'd ever seen them, tackled him to the ground, and hugged him tightly.

"Sasuke-kun, you're alright." She said. "I thought you were...but I saw you-"

"Tch, Kakashi used a Genjutsu on you, Sakura." Her crush told her, causing her to blush in embarrassment. "Look, we don't have much time left. I'm going to go find Naruto before he embarrasses us even more, stay here, and don't move. Matter of fact, do nothing but sit there and breathe." Turning, Naruto leapt up into the trees, and took off to where he could sense a large flare of chakra.

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While Naruto was attending to Sakura, Sasuke had recovered from his rectal violation, and returned for vengeance. Kakashi eyed the dark haired Genin glaring at him contemptuously with curiosity.

"Something tells me I won't be able to read my book with you either." Kakashi said sizing up the dark haired boy facing him, before putting said book away. Turns out he was right, and while the boy had as impressive a showing as Naruto's surprising attack, let's be honest. A Genin facing a Jounin is really an unfair fight.

By the time Naruto arrived at the sight of Sasuke's attempt at the bells, his teammate was already neck deep in dirt.

"I can't believe you thought you could take him alone, even after I purposefully showed what he could do." Naruto said, squatting in front of Sasuke's head. "Why would you ignore the obvious message that we'd have to work together?"

"Whatever, he's going to pay for that jutsu." Sasuke growled. "And I'm going to get you back for switching with me too, dobe."

"Right, follow me, Sakura's waiting." Naruto said, ignoring Sasuke's threat. "You know, if someone Henged into you, they could get her to do damn near anything. She better hope some pervert doesn't figure that out, or she could be in trouble."

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Naruto sat with a somewhat excited expression on his face as he took in his sensei. The look of complete confusion on the man brought a smile to his features- though unless you knew to look at his eyes, and what exactly you were looking for, you'd never notice. Naruto could read his sensei like a book now...but even he could admit that sometimes it was an overly complicated book with unnecessarily big words.

Although they hadn't gotten the bells, there was no doubt that they had passed the test. In the five minutes that they'd attacked together, all three of them had touched the bells at least once, and Sasuke had even gotten a hold of one of them, before Kakashi had done something to his hand to make him let go. From what he could see, Kakashi was in a bind. On the one hand, he was proud of them, and was looking forward to take a team, evne if just to shut his naysayers up that he couldn't handle it. On the other, he was mourning the loss of precious reading time. Kakashi stared at them for a few moments longer, before giving his infamous eyesmile.

"Congratulations, you passed."

"But sensei, we didn't get the bells." Sakura said.

"We weren't supposed to." Naruto said. "Even with three fairly talented Genin, us winning against a Jounin is a complete joke. The whole point of this was about testing our teamwork. He threw in the part about only two of us passing to see if we'd turn on each other, or if we'd act like proper Leaf Shinobi and work together, anyway. I mean really, did either of you bother to remember the lecture we got on that? All Genin squads are three Genin to a Jounin, unless one of them is lost on a mission. Even telling us not to eat was a test in seeing if we could think for ourselves, or if we'd take things at face value."

"Then how do you explain apprenticeships?" Kakashi teased. "I could have been looking to find a proper apprentice."

"That's true, but not likely." Naruto said. "In an apprenticeship, the sensei is even more responsible for their pupil than traditionally, as in almost a parent role. You're far too lazy to be bothered with the responsibilities of apprenticing a student. Besides, I know that you personally requested to have our squad when you found out who was on it."

"Since when have you been so smart?" Sakura accused.

"What, did you really think I was that stupid?" Naruto asked in disbelief, knowing full well that he really had been that stupid, but needing an excuse not to be this time. Playing dumb was annoying.

"What, are you telling us that you were hiding behind a mask of stupidity to protect yourself from something or someone?" Sakura asked.

'_Note to self, make sure Sakura isn't from the future too._' Naruto thought. '_Never mind. She wouldn't be as pathetic as she is if she were. I'm gonna have to do something about that quickly._'

"Not a mask, per se." Naruto said. "Look, deception is a ninja's greatest tool. I downplayed the fact that I'm not a complete idiot, so that people would underestimate me. Let me ask you this. If me and Sasuke ended up in a fight against an enemy Chuunin or Jounin, who is most likely to survive that fight?"

"Sasuke-kun of course." Sakura said, immediately. Kakashi initially would have been putting his money on Sasuke, but something made him pause that thought.

"Really, Sakura?" Naruto asked. "Then why don't you consider this. Sasuke is an Uchiha, the Rookie of the year, very talented, and never passes up a chance to show off just how much better he is than everyone. I, on the other hand, was the class deadlast, have never shown any talent for the shinobi arts, and just barely graduated. Which of us is the Chuunin liable to take as a serious threat? Sasuke. Who is the Chunin more liable to fight seriously, not wanting to risk a brat getting lucky? Sasuke. Who is more liable to be killed right off the bat, the talented show off with only a C-class Katon to his name, or the supposedly no talent kid, who can spam hundreds of Kage Bunshin like they're nothing?"

"Sasuke." Kakashi said, nodding to the blond. "Hmm, seems like Naruto was the smarter shinobi after all."

"Not really, I got the idea from Shikamaru." Naruto admitted falsely. "He may be a lazy bum, and I doubt he was intentionlly doing it, but downplaying how skilled you really are was a good idea."

As the team separated, Kakashi pulling Naruto aside briefly to discuss certain infringement issues, the Jounin could only marvel at this team of his. While two out of his three Genin had been just as their profiles had said, his third had been something of a surprise. Though if Iruka was to be believed about his unpredictability, Naruto had rather potently lived up to expectations as well.

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It was a bit under twenty-four hours later that found Naruto headed to his team training grounds. He knew they'd be starting their missions today after waiting hours for Kakashi to show, and a bit of training, and had planned accordingly.

During the several hour wait for Kakashi to arrive, Naruto had worked on reorienting his body into instinctually using the Frog Kata. While this was going on, several dozen clones each were working on leaf sticking, and tree climbing.

None of his clones could make it up a tree yet, but Naruto wasn't worried. By the time he dispelled them, and started doing the exercise for himself, he'd have the technique mastered, and its only real use would be for continued chakra control. Hopefully, by the time they got the Wave Mission, if they even got it this time, he'd have started his clones on combining the two exercises he was working on.

As he was winding down, Naruto felt a familiar chakra signature tickle his senses. Sending out a small chakra pulse, he found, to his amusement, Hinata watching him. Kind of an odd way to want to spend your lunch break, but he wasn't going to complain. As long as she was interested in him, he had a chance at not screwing things up with her like last time.

"Hey, Hinata." Naruto exclaimed. "Did you need something, or did you just come to watch me work up a nice...hard...sweat?"

Straining his ears, Naruto was able to hear the telltale thump of Hinata's- faint-induced- unconscious body hitting the ground. Naruto swiftly finished his exercises, and strolled over to where she had landed. Sighing, Naruto picked the girl up, and planted a kiss on her cheek- smiling when she snuggled into him- before carrying her to where Kurenai's team would be meeting to begin their mission for the day. He just hoped Kiba hadn't returned yet. Given that horndog's- sometimes overly possessive- infatuation with Hinata, that was bound to be an annoying meeting.

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Naruto had just finished receiving a quick lesson on tree climbing- after all, a paper trail in this situation lessened suspicion- when he heard the shriek of Sakura's voice yelling at Kakashi for being late. While he didn't have any real attraction to Sakura anymore, he couldn't help the slightly naughty thought that came to his mind. If she was that loud normally, he hated to see what she'd be like when someone finally got into the prudish, yaoi perv's pants, and really made her scream. Shaking his head of that thought, desperate to keep himself from thinking of Sakura in that manner ever again, Naruto redonned his jacket, and made his way to the team meeting.

"Naruto, you're late." Sakura yelled, he heard as soon as he cleared the tree line.

"Sorry I'm late, but Kurenai-sensei put me in time out for making Hinata-chan blush and faint." Kakashi's mouth dropped open, again. He thought he'd gotten the gaki to understand that lateness and bad excuses were his thing. Though, he had to admit, Naruto's excuses were actually pretty good, which technically wasn't gimick infringement. Damn!

Naruto rolled his eyes when Sasuke and Sakura perked up after Kakashi told them that they were going to start taking missions. Boy were they going to be disappointed. Now that he knew the true purpose of D-rank missions, and not that bullshit teamwork crap that Kakashi went on about (though he realized that they'd probably needed the teamwork part drilled in before he taught them the other part), he wasn't going to let the mission bother him. Hell, getting paid to do things that were so easy- well, easy if you knew how to do it right- was the best thing going right now.

Besides, he now had several different ways to make many of the more horrifying D-rank jobs easier, and less traumatizing. Naruto rubbed his hands, and almost cackled evilly. He couldn't wait until they got that babysitting job. The Inuguchi triplets were in for a rude awakening if they thought they were going to get away with the shit they normally pulled on Genin babysitters. They were going to pay for dying his hair black, and doubly so if they turned Hinata-chan blue again. Naruto may have loved Moegi-chan like a little sister, but her little brothers were evil incarnate.

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They had been a team for three weeks, and sadly nothing in the routine had changed- well, with the exception of their mission success rate, and the number they'd been able to do. Kakashi still showed up late, prompting him to show up even later, with much better excuses than his sensei he might add. Sasuke and Sakura still sat there wasting three hours that could be put to better use, just waiting on their sensei, and basically wasting their potential. Naruto finally decided to do something about it, after he took care of one small detail that he really should have taken care of sooner, but supplies were hard to come by on his budget, and he didn't want to borrow from jiji too much now that he was a ninja.

He'd sat for almost an hour in the next training ground over from the one his team used, as a Shadow Clone applied the training seals that he'd used during his training trip with Jiraiya; while the application didn't take much time at all, waiting for the ink to dry did. Without going into too much detail, because Naruto had tuned out most of Jiraiya's explanation, they would put a resisting strain on his body that would increase his strength, speed, chakra reserves, and even his chakra control to a small extent. Afterwards, Naruto ran through the first two forms of the Frog Kata real time against a clone, since he'd need to either become a Sage or learn to properly channel chakra for attack enhancement before he could try using the other three in a battle simulation.

Cutting his training short, and showing up a good hour before Kakashi was scheduled to arrive, Naruto made it to the bridge, and sat down on the railing next to where Sakura was standing.

"You know, I'm starting to think that his lateness is a test." Naruto said.

"What kind of test?" Sakura asked. Sasuke was silent, but Naruto could tell by the slight incline of his head that he was interested too.

"You know, to see if we'd actually make use of the time he's giving us, or if we'd just sit here looking stupid." Naruto answered. "Especially considering all the other squads I've talked to have said that they start at the same time that we do, only with team training, and exercises. Then after lunch, they do missions. Given that Kakashi-sensei doesn't show up until eleven, then we train for maybe an hour, and break for lunch, maybe he expects us to use our time more wisely." Again, Sakura and Sasuke were shocked by the level of intelligence shown by the class idiot.

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Sakura asked. "Sensei hasn't given us anything to work on."

"Well, Hinata's team is doing this really cool exercise called tree climbing." Naruto said. "Kurenai-sensei showed me how to do it. What you have to do-"

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When Kakashi finally showed up- ten minutes later than normal to try and arrive after his student- and saw them working tree climbing, he gave an eyesmile. Finally they got the hint that they should have been using their time more efficiently. Perching himself in the tree Sakura was working on, Kakashi snapped his beloved book open, and began to read.

Kakashi was content to let his little Genin keep going, and take a late lunch- as it would give him more time with his precious- but alas, things weren't in his favor. A mere ten minutes after they normally broke for lunch, things took a sour turn.

"How'd you get so good at this?" Sasuke growled.

"Remember that day I told you Kurenai-sensei put me in timeout for making Hinata faint?" Naruto asked. "That's when I learned it."

"You mean that you've been holding out on us this entire time?" Sasuke spat, highly annoyed that the Dobe had mastered a skill that he hadn't. Sakura gave a slight glare as well when Naruto just shrugged.

"You didn't ask." The reply, while true, wasn't exactly fair, considering they hadn't even known about it. Sasuke glared hard at Naruto. He'd known that the Dobe was going to hold him back, but that he'd been doing it intentionally was unforgivable.

"All right, let's break for lunch." Kakashi said, appearing in a swirl of leaves. He'd sensed he impending squabble that was about to occur, and decided to head it off this time.

"Geez, you're even later than normal." Sakura grumbled.

"Well, when I arrived and saw my cute little Genin working so hard, I didn't want to disturb you." Sakura blushed, Sasuke glared, and Naruto raised an eyebrow. Lunch was a quick, quiet affair, and soon the group was ready to restart the day.

"Now, we're going to skip the mission room today." Kakashi said. "Since you all finally decided to act like shinobi, I figure I'd teach you all something that would complement your individual styles. Any one thing that you can think of, if I'm capable of teaching you how, then I will." Naruto grinned, he knew exactly what he was going to ask about. "Now, while I'm working with each of you individually, the other two will spar. So, whose first." Sasuke looked about to claim the first spot, but Naruto elbowed him in the side.

"Ladies, first, teme." Naruto said, unknowingly slightly endearing himself to his female teammate. "That means Sakura, unless there's something you're trying to hide from us." Sasuke's glare told him exactly what the boy thought of Naruto's insinuations.

"Tch, whatever." Kakashi smiled beneath his mask.

"Okay, Sakura, come with me; Naruto and Sasuke, light contact sparring." The two boys looked at each other, and frowned.

"Bah, it's no fun if we can't beat each other senseless." Sasuke, as much as he'd never admit it, couldn't help but agree. Beating each other until they couldn't stand was fun in its own way...well, when he had the upperhand, anyway. The Dobe could hit pretty damn hard when he wanted to.

Still, orders were orders. A silent agreement passed through the boys though. Next time they were allowed full contact, they were both going to the hospital to make up for it. Dropping into the Academy stance, for that was the only one that allowed them to take it easy on each other, they both charged.

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Twenty minutes later, Kakashi ended the spar. Both male Genin, highly bored with it after the first two minutes, were just going through the motions, and didn't look to even be trying.

"I guess I came back just in time." Kakashi said. "Alright, Naruto, come with me."

After leading him away from the other two, who were sparring- more like Sakura was attacking gently in order to not hurt her crush (as if she really could), and Sasuke was just practicing dodging- Kakashi turned to Naruto.

"Okay, Naruto, pick your poison." Kakashi said, grinning behind his mask, just knowing that Naruto would want something flashy and overpowered. He was sorely disappointed, well not really, but a little.

"I want to learn the Shunshin." Naruto replied. "I know it's supposed to be for upper level nin, but you said any jutsu. I could have picked something you don't know like the Rasengan, just to mess with you."

"That you could have." Kakashi said, deciding not to mention that he did know the jutsu; never knowing that Naruto knew he knew the jutsu. "Alright, here are the seals-"

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As Kakashi and Naruto rejoined his other teammates, the Jounin couldn't help but marvel at his sensei's son. It was like the harder a techniqe was, the easier it was for him to learn it. While he was utterly horrible at performing simple jutsu meant for kids his own age, give him a technique meant for shinobi Chuunin level or above, and he was able to properly use it at least once within a short amount of time- even if he did ridiculously overpower it. Had they still been around, Naruto would have been the ultimate anti-Sharingan shinobi, especially considering the Sharingan's weakness, and the majority of the clan's habit of not taking time to actually learn the jutsu they copied before trying to use it. They'd have died from chakra exhaustion just from trying to use it exactly as they had copied it.

"Naruto and Sakura, spar a bit while I work with Sasuke." Naruto rolled his eyes at the girl's smirk as their sensei escorted Sasuke away. Well, he said he was going to break her out of her delusional fangirl phase, now was as good a time as any to start. With a cocky gesture, Naruto signalled for Sakura to make the first move.

"Ladies first." He said.

Sakura charged Naruto with her fist cocked back, expecting Naruto's usual shocked expression just before she clocked him, or he barely dodged. Rapidly closing the distance, Sakura punched, but found herself startled when Naruto blocked her attack, and punched her in the stomach...hard, knocking the breath out of her. Not giving her a chance to recover, Naruto kneed her in the chin, snapping her head back, and finished with a strong left that sent her face first to the ground with a split lip. Sakura looked up in horror, and with eyes filled with tears accused.

"You hit me."

"Well yeah, it's a spar, you're supposed to." He didn't see why she was so surprised. Hadn't she seen what he'd done against their sensei the first day, or even noticed how easy it was for him to keep up with Sasuke, yet he always seemed to struggle against her.

"B-but you never could before." Naruto almost groaned at her statement. Surely she didn't think she was that good, did she?

"Before I was so infatuated with you that I'd let you beat on me, so that you thought you were doing something. With that illusion removed, I don't feel a need to do so. As a matter of fact, I should apologize to you, because I was actually hurting your development as a ninja. Now, you can either concede defeat, or get back up, and we keep going." Sakura glared, not believing that Naruto was better than her.

What followed was a rather eye opening beating for Sakura, one filled with numerous cuts, massive future bruises, and a destroyed pride.

Over with Sasuke and Kakashi, the two had been stunned into immobility when Naruto had actually attacked Sakura. The only reason he hadn't told the two light contact, was because he knew Sakura's weak physical disposition couldn't really hurt Naruto, and their class reports noted that Naruto had never once tried to actually fight her in spars before. As the one-sided fight continued, even Sasuke was starting to feel sorry for the girl. He winced as Naruto's knee collided with Sakura's back, causing her to cry out in pain.

"Shouldn't you, you know, stop this?" Sasuke asked, slightly worried, and a tad shocked at the fact that he was worried about the fangirl.

"No, it's a good lesson for Sakura." Kakashi said. "She's finally getting a taste of what can happen in the field, thankfully from a friendly source."

Back with the two sparring Genin, Sakura could be found laying on the ground in the fetal position, clutching her stomach painfully, trying not to vomit, with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Now, Sakura, I'm going to give you a bit of advice that I want you to seriously consider. If you're serious about being a ninja, then this prissy, girly thing you've got going has got to stop. The pampering, the diets, the spending more time on your hair and nails than you do your training, the not wanting to get messy, sweaty, or dirty, it has got to change. All of that crap you're buying into is a civilian luxury that a real kunoichi can't afford to waste time on. Just so you know, I will be talking to Kakashi-sensei about this. Either get your act together, or turn your headband in, and give up; this way we'll have enough time to replace you with a serious kunoichi before we start taking more serious missions."

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Another week and some passed, the three Genin finally making some significant progress with the new skill they'd learned from Kakashi- well except for Naruto, who had majorly cheated with Kage Bunshin once he felt he had the jutsu right. Just like nearly every other practice, things went well until Naruto did something new that set the last Uchiha off. This time it was Naruto using a Shunshin against Sasuke to close the distance faster than Sasuke was ready for, before punching him in the stomach. Once again, things devolved from there into an argument, that always had the same ending. Naruto would insult the Uchiha clan in some form or another, and Sasuke would reply the same way everytime...

"You're just jealous of my Sharingan." Kakashi sighed at the same predictable retort, knowing that it wasn't true. After awhile, when he realized that nothing he said would matter, Naruto just started to ignore his teammate at this point, and they were able to continue the day.

Naruto gawked at the boy, before shaking his head in disbelief. And they really call this guy a genius. He then got a very interesting idea.

"First of all, you don't have it yet, and there's a chance that you may not ever activate it." Naruto said, startling Kakashi with his reply. Sasuke glared at his teammate, knowing that it was true. "Second, why would I be jealous of the Sharingan, when I've got a bloodline too." Naruto boasted. Yep, that definitely got his attention.

"Naruto, I knew both your parents, you don't have a bloodline." Kakashi said.

"Yes I do, on my mother's side." Naruto said. "It's the...uh...um..." Naruto looks up. "Help me out here." Less than a second later, Naruto felt a searing pain in his eyes that caused him to growl in pain, and shut his rapidly tearing eyes.

"Naruto?" Kakashi asked. Naruto finally opened his eyes, and began blinking away the moisture that had formed there. Shaking his head to alleviate the pain, and giving himself time to recall the new information, Naruto smirked at what he found.

"My bloodline doesn't have a name, as the Uzumaki Clan weren't so prideful about it like the Hyuuga and Uchiha that it had to have a spectacular name." Sasuke just knew that was a slight at his family, and gave Naruto patented Uchiha glare number 34. "It grants the user impeccable natural vision equal to, possibly greater than even the Byakugan and Sharingan. They had unparalleled night vision, and can see just as well in the dark as in the daytime. With a bit of concentration, and maybe a small amount of chakra for the lower level, an Uzumaki could see up to almost 2 kms clearly. Not only that, but it gave them a very strong ability to notice even the minutest of details, making them virtually immune to most normal Genjutsu; the Kurama clan is a notable exception, as well as certain Sharingan based Genjutsu. This attention to detail makes it very difficult for them to be tricked by switching, replacing, and transformation jutsu too. It's also what made the Uzumaki Clan so good with Fuinjutsu."

"I've never heard of an Uzumaki Clan in Konoha." Sasuke taunted.

"That's because they weren't a clan of Konoha, just very closely allied with the Senju Clan." Naruto answered. "They were from Whirlpool Country. There have only been three Uzumaki to live here; the Shodai's wife Mito, my mother, and me. I'm the only one to ever be born here though." Kakashi, of course, already knew all of this, though he did wonder how Naruto found out. He was however concerned with something else.

"Naruto, who were you talking to?" Kakashi asked. "More importantly, how did you get that bloodline?"

"I was talking to a friend beyond the fourth wall, don't worry about it Kakashi-sensei." Naruto explained. "As for the bloodline, I got it from a really big plothole." Deciding to ignore it for now, and talk to the Hokage about it later, Kakashi gave his team its next assignment.

"Right, well, today I've got a special mission for you." Kakashi said, a sinister grin on his face. "I've finally been able to reserve the Capture Tora Mission for you." All three Genin paled. They'd heard horror stories from Team 8 (who'd actually done the mission three times to date), and Naruto also remembered the numerous times he'd done the mission, both before and after his training with Jiraiya. The sad thing is, it never got easier, not even for Chuunin or Jounin level ninja.

For Naruto, this also marked another thing he'd been both anticipating and dreading...the mission to Wave. This time, he ws determined to save a certain pair, at the very least Haku. First things first, though, dealing with that evil demon cat Tora. Still, with all of the plans running through his head, he couldn't help the ominous feeling in the back of his mind. If only he could see NB's face at that moment, he'd know at the very least why he had that sudden bout of paranoia.

"Fine, I'll meet you in Jiji's office, I've got some things to set up first." Before Shunshining away in purple flames(1), Naruto added. "See ya." And then he was gone.

"Okay, now that was a nice exit." Kakashi muttered. "I'll have to see if he'll teach me that."

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1. Every time he Shunshin's it will be something different. Feel free to contribute ideas.

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And there you have chapter 2. Tora and Wave are up next, hope you have a strong enough stomach, or at least a twisted enough sense of humor, for the beginning.

Now, same situation as last chapter.

In the original version, I have set up Karin to be one of Naruto's girls. This set up was initially thought up shortly after Sasuke tried to kill her in canon, and she decided to give up on him. Now, she's somehow fallen right back into her obsession with Sasuke- again, after he showed a blatant disregard for her life- and I find myself having lost all respect I had for her. My question to you is, should I still add her to the original's harem roster, or should I just leave it for the uber harem?

Next chapter: Demon Meetings and Ghastly Greetings.


	3. Demon Meetings and Ghastly Greetings

**Disclaimer: I should probably warn you, you'll likely be asking me what the hell I'm smoking by the time you finish reading this chapter. Whether you feel I should share or go to rehab will depend on you. And speaking of smoking, what in the hell is Madara Uchiha smoking. Three reasons why I say he's smoking something: 1. He came up with a persona like Tobi, nuff said, 2. Moon Eye Plan, with all of its falts and holes in logic, 3. After everything he's done, he blames everything that didn't go his way on other people.**

**Also I don't own Naruto or Mister Rogers Neighborhood.**

Wave Arc Changes

1. Haku's gender

2. Madara has a severe allergic reaction to tomatoes

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As Naruto made his way down the road to the Hokage Tower, he couldn't help the sinister grin on his face, and the almost evil gleam in his eye. Unfortunately, the citizens of Konoha also noticed these devious attributes, and the irrational fear, as well as the angry looks and glares, seemed to escalate. Feeling the sudden change in atmosphere, and realizing what had happened, Naruto paused.

"Eheh, sorry about that." He said. "Yes, I do have some very deviously evil plans in store, but none of them are for anyone in this village. No, these plans are for the Fire Daimyo's wife's cat. Tora no Yoko will rue the day she decided to torture the Genin of Konoha." Insert evil chuckle.

Naruto wouldn't know it, but his comment had actually made a few people stop, and rethink their opinion of him. These people, some lifelong Genin, or the parents and relatives of current and past Genin, were beginning to think that maybe they'd been wrong about the boy.

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As Naruto entered the Hokage's office for mission assignment, he found himself suddenly pinned with a pair of glares, a single look of amusement, and two exasperated stares.

"Uh, sorry it took so long." Naruto said. "It took me a little longer than expected to come up with a suitable death trap for that evil little demon cat. Then it took me some time to make it non-lethal when I remembered that we aren't allowed to kill the Daimyo's wife's cat."

"Naruto, what were you thinking?" Sakura didn't notice the looks of awe, adoration, and hope, that the three elder shinobi gave to Naruto, but Sasuke did. It was at this point that he began to wonder if the stories that he'd thought exaggerated, were actually understated.

"Well, in any case, if that's all, then good luck with Tora." The unsaid, 'you'll need it' had all three Genin on edge.

888

Half an hour later, and Naruto was just a tad miffed that most of his traps hadn't been used. All that work for nothing, because Sakura had gone all prissy, and missed her cue to push Tora towards the next set. Oh well, there was always next time; time to break out Plan B. Afterall, he'd stocked up on explosive tags for a reason. He still had fifty left, and he only needed ten of them for Plan C. As Naruto was imagining all the fur flying from the revenge Plan B would instigate (sure he was against revenge, but Tora was a special case), Sasuke came over the radio, saying that he had the demon cat cornered.

With a smile and chuckle reminicent of Orochimaru, Naruto took off towards where Sasuke had trapped the satanic kitty. As Naruto makes his journey to his teammate, I'm struck with a need to give a random, but somewhat significant bit of information. It should be noted that Naruto would completely forget about the traps he'd set during the course of his next mission, but this wouldn't be the last time they played a part in this tale.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled fanfiction to bring you the following Public Service Announcement. Arrogance and Overconfidence are the downfall of many ninja, and the following scene will prove that even the most noble of people can be brought up short by it. It just goes to show, the fourth wall ability does sometimes backfire, and that choosing me as his author partner (especially with my sometimes sadistic humor), could bite him in the ass.

Naruto landed next to Sasuke, and gave a sinister grin to the cat. Next to him, Sasuke glared at the cat with a menacing stare. The third person that had her cornered was also staring angrily at her, but that was more for trying to get her dirty than the scratches that the two boys were sporting.

Now Tora was a cat that had lived a long time. An unknown demonic lineage had resulted in her having encountered numerous humans trying to bring her back to that squeezing woman, and before her the heavy-handed constant petting woman, and before that the creepy kissy face woman. And while yes, her frequent escapes were an excuse to get away from the overweight, over-affectionate women, they also served another purpose; one she hoped this jaunt would allow her to take care of. She just had to get away from the three humans trying to catch her.

Her long life had given her a bit of a strategy in achieving this. The females of the species were the weak link, and attempting to dirty them always provided enough of a distraction to hide, and plan. The only time this didn't work, is when the female of the group was just like the males of the group- she shuddered in remembrance of the brown haired human with the pointy throwing things she'd encountered several times last year, the purple haired girl she'd encountered nearly a decade before, and the redhead that had laughed in a most disturbing tone as she tried to blow her up- but luckily this one had proved to be the norm. Plan of action decided, Tora made her move.

As Tora ran towards Sakura, the girl again screamed, and dodged out of the way. As a result, Tora again escaped capture, and earned Sakura twin glares from her teammates.

"What?" Sakura complained. "Her paws were dirty, and this dress is new."

Naruto gave a slight twitch. Something was wrong here, Sakura couldn't have been this frikkin pathetic the first time around. There was just no possible way he'd have been so enamored as to have missed that, would he. No, no, Sakura wasn't this pathetic, NB must be making her this bad.

"Sakura, I thought we were past this prissy phase." Naruto said. "We're not going to have to have another discussion about this, are we?" Sakura shook her head, remembering the lumps, cuts, and bruises that their last discussion resulted in. With a motion of his head, Sakura gave chase, and the two boys quickly followed. A few moments later, they caught up to the feline, but not before...

"Damn it, she went into the bushes." Sakura said. Sighing, Naruto created a Shadow Clone, which henged into a cat.

"You know what, I'm sick of this cat, and this mission, I'll get her." Naruto said, sending the clone in. After all, no point in getting himself clawed up by that rabid little monster. Shortly after the cat entered, the bush started shaking from what looked to be a fight, before things calmed, and suddenly a deep voice, like melted chocolate, began to sing.

Naruto looked around in confusion. He hadn't asked for any kind of changes, and he was pretty sure he'd already used the two for the Pre-Wave mini-arc. As the voice permeated the air along with the seductive tune, Sakura's face rapidly turned a vibrant shade of red, and she found herself pulling at her collar from a sudden flash of heat. About this time, the bush again started shaking, and the sound of a cat's spirit dying echoed from the foliage.

Several minutes later, the music, noises, and bushes came to a halt- punctuated by a loud catlike noise (that will likely scar the three Genin, one more so than the others) erupting from the bushes- and the clone stood and walked shakily out of the bushes, a traumatized look on his face. Tora soon followed him, almost obediently, looking mighty pleased with herself, and rubbing against its leg. The clone then popped, and a second later Naruto paled, and started vomiting.

"Naruto, what-" Sakura began, only to be cut off.

"I don't want to talk about it." He growled. "Ever!"

888

As Team seven walked leisurely back towards the Hokage's Tower, Tora resting comfortably in Sakura's arms purring contently, sending almost flirtatious looks in Naruto's direction. Naruto could no longer take it. Letting his body go on auto-pilot, he dialed up a mental conversation with You-Know-Who...

Answering Machine: You've reached Voldemort. I'm out spreading terror amongst the Mudbloods and Bloodtraitors. Please leave your na-

Oops, wrong number. Let's try again, shall we?

"Hello?" NB asked. "Oh, hey Naruto, what's up?"

'_What...was...that?_' Naruto spat in his mind.

"Just a little lesson in humility." NB stated. "And really, even you have to admit it was a damn good prank."

'_Prank my ass. That was mental, and potentially accessory to sexual, abuse._'

"Come on, I permanently solved your Tora problem." NB said, then mentally added. '_And you only have yourself to blame for picking me._'

'_Yeah, but I can't believe you made me lose my virginity to Tora._'

"Technically it was a clone's virginity, and maybe that was Karma's way of having me get you back for avoiding that kiss with Sasuke. You know women in anime have disturbing obsessions with yaoi, and I highly doubt that the deities are any different." Naruto pouted. "Bah, don't get your panties in a twist, I'll make it up to you, alright."

'_Whatever._' Naruto griped, cutting the connection, and finding himself almost immediately brought into his subconscious for a chat wth a certain fox.

888

Naruto watched with some trepidation, and some amusement as Tora had the life squeezed out of her. Still, one of the things he'd planned on doing when he became Hokage was finding a way to spare the Genin repeated exposure to this mission.

"Ne, Shijimi-obasan, you might want to ease up a bit on the hugs." Naruto said, gaining the woman's attention. "And maybe get her a boyfriend. I think the constant death hugs, and lack of companionship might be the reason she keeps running away." Lifting the cat by the arm pits, she looked at her shocked into stillness cat.

"Is that twue Tora-chan." The cat made a pitiful sound, and found itself pulled into another hug, though thankfully less smothering. "I'm so sorry Tora-chan. Let's get you home, I've got some nice tuna, and a big bowl of cream to make up for it. Then we'll go find you a nice boy kitty." The shinobi in the room were shocked when the cat gave Naruto an almost thankful look as the woman paid her tab, and left. Ridding the Genin of Konoha of the monstrosity that is Tora would be only the first instance in Naruto's soon to be great legacy.

"Right, well congratulations on both catching Tora, and breaking the previous record by nearly eighteen minutes." Sarutobi said. "Now, for your next mission, we have babysitting an elder's grandson, shopping in a neighboring village, or helping with potato digging." Naruto gave out a sigh, as did Kakashi, Sarutobi, and Iruka, knowing what was coming next, or so they thought.

"Okay, run those by us again." Naruto said, forestalling Iruka's planned lecture. Raising his brow, Sarutobi gave the list another look.

"Babysitting an elder's grandson-"

"Which elder?" Naruto interrupted.

"Konohamaru and his friends." Naruto created a Shadow Clone which strolled up to the desk, and held out his hand for the mission request.

"I know exactly how to keep those three busy." Naruto said as the clone accepted the scroll, and left the room. "Consider it done, next."

"Shopping in a neighboring village." Sarutobi said, then paused.

"Client?"

"Nurse Kaori Tachigawa," He answered. "She needs help carrying a shipment of burn healing balm ingredients back to the village."

"Okay, she likes me." Naruto said grinning, before creating a dozen clones, giving them a mental note to mention Hinata's uber salve to Kaori-nee. One went to get the mission request, while the others waited for him by the door.

Kakashi, Iruka, and Sarutobi had to fight the trio of eye rolls at his declaration. Anytime Naruto was in the hospital, that woman doted on him like she was his mother. Probably would be had she not been too young when he was an orphan, and certain elements not made such a stink about about it when she was old enough. "And the last one."

"Helping pick potatoes for Ashida-san." Naruto grimaced.

"Ugh, he _doesn't_ like me."

"Why, what'd you do to him?" Sakura accused.

"Haven't a clue." Naruto said shrugging, though those in the know knew exactly why. "First time I met him, he chucked a potato at me."

"Oh." Sakura said, wondering why someone would do that. She hadn't wanted to hit Naruto until after he'd started getting on her nerves; and that hadn't been until Naruto got jealous after she'd started crushing on Sasuke years ago. Before that, he'd actually been an okay guy, and she had to admit, someone she'd considered making friends with.

"Ne, jiji, you got something we can trade that one for?" Naruto asked. "He might end up losing more crops than we can harvest, and you know he'll try and say we failed, then blame it on me."

"Perhaps you're right." Sarutobi said, looking at his list. "How about trash pick up at one of the training grounds?" Naruto grinned, and created twenty clones.

"Consider it done." He said. As his clones filed out with the mission request, Naruto gave the Hokage a cheeky grin. "Now, can we finally get a C-rank, or do you have anything else for us aside from that potato mission?" The Hokage looked at his scroll, and found that while he did have several missions left, they were all requests from people who thought like Ashida-san."

"Hehe, alright, if you want it that much, I'll give you a C-rank." Sarutobi said. "I have just the one. Iruka, if you would." Iruka bowed, and went to retrieve the client.

"Very good use of your technique, Naruto." Kakashi praised.

'_**Second most awesome teammate, ever!**_" Inner Sakura cheered as Naruto completely wiped through all of the boring assignments, and got them their first C-rank. Sakura couldn't help but agree at that moment. Not only had he gotten them out of three boring D-rank missions, but he impressed the Hokage, and got them a C-rank. '_Sasuke-kun is still the best, though._' She thought.

"You're still a Dobe." Sasuke grunted.

"And you're still a stuck-up, sissy-teme."

When Iruka returned moments later, he brought with it the scent of strong sake. As the man began complaining, Naruto began a chant in his mind.

'_I will ignore his insults, I will ignore his insults, I will ignore-_" Nope, didn't work. "Okay, first of all, fuck you, you old drunk. Second, while she may be by far the weakest shinobi in this room, even Sakura could break you in half with minimal effort." Naruto had to fight back a smirk when Tazuna paled. "We're more than capable of handling bandits, especially with Kakashi-sensei along."

"Right, well I'm the super bridge builder, Tazuna." The drunk said. "I expect you to protect me until my bridge is complete."

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto said. "I just hope you don't drink that much on the job."

"Why you-" Tazuna was ignored.

"My first C-rank mission, I've been looking forward to this for a looong time." Naruto said, an unsettling grin on his face.

"Glad to hear, you may go. " At the dismissal from the Hokage, Kakashi took charge.

"I want you meet at the gates in an hour." He said. "Pack for an extended trip."

As Sarutobi leaned back in his chair, he opened a drawer, and pulled back a secret compartment. Reaching in, he pulled out the jar with his special pipe blend. While he was impressed with the way Naruto needled that C-rank, and even with the way he'd dealt with an uppity client, he didn't like that look on Naruto's face. Combining that with the headache he'd gotten from his paperwork...he deserved a nice break. Opening the jar, he noticed that he was running very low. As he filled his pipe, Sarutobi made a note to contact Mr. Nice Guy. Something told him he was going to need a lot of his special tobacco by the time Naruto returned.

As the three Genin were exiting the tower, Sakura turned to Naruto, and gave him a genuine smile.

"I never thought I'd say this, but what you did in there, you're a genius." Sakura gushed, surprisingly. Instead of accepting the praise, Naruto's eyes hardened.

"Sakura...do not...ever...call me a genius again, got it?" Naruto hissed. Naruto had met many a genius in his life, and sadly, the only one that could be considered even somewhat normal and sane was Shikamaru.

888

Seventy minutes later Naruto skidded to a stop in front of his teammates.

"Sorry I'm running late, but when I stopped by Sakura's house to see if she wanted to walk with me, I ended up getting molested by her hot mom." Naruto said. "Surprisingly, their family's hair is naturally pink." Noticing that Mt. Sakura was going to blow, that Naruto seemed to be lacking in any kind of supplies, and not wanting to miss the chance to take a free shot at the Dobe- especially with how often he found himself on the receiving end- Sasuke decided to break in.

"Where're your supplies, Dobe?" He taunted. "Did the lessons on basic mission protocol get lost in that empty head of yours, or are you just too stupid to realize you'd need to pack." The smirking Sasuke was brought up short when Naruto pulled a scroll out of his pouch.

"Actually, I've got everything I need stored in these storage scrolls." Naruto replied, grinning as Sasuke's smirk turned to a frown. "They're a lot easier to carry, and harder to lose than those packs you're carrying."

888

Naruto strolled easily along the path, only half listening to Kakashi's explanation on the shinobi nations, and how only the Great Five had leaders called Kage. Really, this kind of stuff should have been taught in the Academy...actually, it was taught in the Academy, third year. And she really had the highest test scores in the class?

"Wow!" Sakura exclaimed. "Hokage-sama is the best."

"Did you just second guess the Hokage?" Kakashi asked.

"And in front of a client, too?" Naruto added. "Geez, Sakura. You do realize that the Hokage has been nicknamed the God of Shinobi in every country, is the only man to defeat both the Sandaime Tsuchikage and Salamander Hanzo in single combat, and trained three of the most famous shinobi in history, the Legendary Sannin?"

"Good job, Naruto." Kakashi gave his eyesmile. "You're quite knowledgable about Sandaime-sama."

"Hey, I'm gonna be Hokage some day, and I plan to surpass all of the others." He said. "I gotta know my Hokage history to do that."

"What can you tell me about the Yondaime, then, aside from the Kyuubi and that he was Yondaime."

"Minato Namikaze, also known as the Yellow Flash. Became known as such after the creation of the Hiraishin no Jutsu, which he used to great success in combination with his other created technique, the Rasengan. He's the youngest Hokage ever, but he's also the most famous, and often said to be the strongest." Sasuke said, smirking. In his mind, he was vowing to find a way to learn the two techniques, as they'd be very helpful in killing Itachi.

"Good job, Sasuke, anything to add, Naruto, Sakura?" Naruto turned to Sasuke and grinned, deciding to wait for Sakura to add her input. The information he had on the Yondaime wasn't from any textbook, and was stuff that only someone particularly close to him would know.

"He was the student of Jiraiya of the Sannin, and teacher of Rin Nohara, Obito Uchiha, and Kakashi-sensei." Kakashi gave a wistful smile. Sakura smirked at Naruto, thinking that between her and Sasuke, Naruto didn't have anything left.

"Let's see," Naruto started, rubbing his chin in thought. "Minato Namikaze, born January 25 to Chuunin Sora and Jounin Yumi Namikaze, and would be about 34 years old now. His father was killed early in the Second Ninja War, and he was fully orphaned near the end when his mother's unit was ambushed by Cloud ninja before the ceasefire notice reached the front lines. Having lost both of his parents to war, Jiraiya of the Sannin took a liking to the kid for some reason, and became his unofficial sponsor, but to maintain his fledgling spy network, he was unable to formally adopt him.

He soon became Jiraiya's Genin when he graduated, after Jiraiya requested him specifically. After he became a Chuunin, Jiraiya took him as his apprentice away from the village for a few years. They would return just in time for him to be promoted to Jounin as a pair of rookie Chuunin- Rin and Obito- lost their sensei and a teammate to combat. Kakashi was added to the team, and they were all placed under Minato as their squad leader.

As a teen, he briefly dated a Chuunin named Naori Uchiha. Their relationship was never allowed to take off, because she was a clan brat, he was an orphan of little prestige, and her clan was full of Sharingan wielding douchebags." Naruto took great pleasure in Sasuke's reaction. "She would later be killed in the skirmish that sparked the Third Ninja War. Anyway, Minato began seeing another kunoichi, a childhood friend who he'd already been crushing on for ages, shortly after he and Yami were forced to split. Soon after, he began work on the jutsu that would change the tide of the war.

On a side note, it was the childhood friend who taught him the art of Fuinjutsu, the very skills he'd use to both create the Hiraishin and defeat the Kyuubi. Soon after the war was over, they married, but the identity of the kunoichi has been placed under heavy- and I mean entire Akimichi Clan heavy-classified status. There were even rumors that he'd had a child with his wife, but they were never confirmed." They all stared at him in absolute shock. "By the way, Sasuke, he's considered the most gifted Hokage, and third strongest. Jiji is the strongest of the Hokage, followed by the Shodai."

"Naruto, you baka, stop trying to make things up to seem like you know something."

"Actually, with the exception of his origins, which you'd have to ask Jiraiya to confirm, everything that Naruto said was the truth." Kakashi said amazed, causing the other to Genin to balk. "While not classified, that information is not very well known."

"I told you, I know my Hokage trivia." Naruto said. "I bet you never knew that I'm related to the First, did you?"

"Tch, yeah, that'll be the day." Sakura said. "If you're related to the Shodai, then I'll go on a date with you."

"Shodai Hokage Hashirama Senju married Mito Uzumaki." Naruto said. "Their last child, a daughter named Yumi, married back into the Uzumaki Clan, and was the grandmother of Kushina Uzumaki, my mother. Not only that, Mito Uzumaki had a twin named Miko who was my mother's paternal great-grandmother." Naruto smirked at the girl. "Don't worry, you don't have to if you don't want to."

"Naruto," Kakashi asked. "-just how did you find that out?"

"Plothole." Naruto said, shrugging, and walking ahead. Kakashi's shoulders slumped, knowing that if he thought too much about this mystery plothole, he'd just wind up with a headache.

It was a few minutes later that Naruto sighed, spotting something that he'd completely forgotten about.

'_I forgot about them._' Naruto thought. '_Hey, are we really doing the Demon Brothers thing? I can't think of anything fun to do to them that hasn't been done better already._'

"Well I don't have anything clever to add to the situation either." NB answered. "So I figure, it depends."

'_On what?_'

"On whether you're still holding yourself to the promises you made before." NB replied. "You made a promise when you stabbed yourself in the hand last time, that you'd never need saving and that you'd never be afraid and run. I think that might have been fairly significant."

'_If I say yes, can we skip this part?_'

"Yup."

'_Then yes, I'm still keeping all unfulfilled promises, and select completed ones._'

"You know that means you have to go knock up the Demon Country Priestess, right."

'_Crap, I forgot all about that one._' Naruto mentally murmured. '_But how can I do that when she doesn't know who I am? There's also the fact that we may not get that mission this time, and there's no guarantee that things will occur in such a manner that she would want me to._'

"How about we stick with manga promises for now?" Naruto nodded, confusing his teammates and client. "So it's said, so it shall be."

Little did our hero know, but a certain priestess in training would begin to have almost daily visions, and nightly dreams about a young man bearing a Konoha headband- who resembled the fabled Yondaime of Konoha with whisker marks- helping her pass her powers on.

Because we've decided to skip the event, the fight with the Demon Brothers was rather anti-climactic. After slicing what they thought was Kakashi to ribbons, they went after Naruto, only to be interrupted during their declaration of "Two down." by the blond elbowing them both in the face. When Sasuke decided to 'save the day', the combination of the stunning elbow from Naruto, and the mule kick from Sasuke knocked the two Chuunin out. After a quick interrogation of both Tazuna and the Demon Brothers- who Naruto proceeded to strip of their clothing and equipment, earning praise from Kakashi- it was decided that they would continue the mission.

888

"Quack quack." Naruto said suddenly once they'd reached Wave.

"Quack quack, what's that supposed to mean?" Sakura asked.

"Duck!" Kakashi ordered, pulling Tazuna down. The three Genin ducked just as a massive sword flew over their heads, well, Sakura and Sasuke did as Naruto had already hit the deck.

The group climbed back to their feet, and took in the new arrival.

"Wow, that's a seriously big sword." Naruto mused. "Over-compensating much?" Zabuza nearly fell off his sword at the comment. Sakura's jaw dropped in shock, Sasuke's face took on a slightly constipated look (he was trying to look cool by not laughing), and Tazuna let out a slightly drunken snort of laughter. Kakashi's eye crinkling was the only thing that gave away his amusement. Even the hidden Haku was giggling softly to himself.

And so the battle began; and really if you've read the manga and enough fanfiction, then you pretty much know how this one goes. Well, there was one exception. A tiny little alteration that both NB and Naruto agreed someone should have thought of before.

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, I can understand playing up the helpless role to make him think he's got you trapped, but how long are you just going to sit there?" Naruto asked. "I mean, spring the trap already."

"What trap?" Zabuza asked.

"Naruto, stop stalling, and run." Kakashi yelled.

"Wait, you mean to tell me that you can't think of a single way to escape?" Naruto's tone was incredulous. Turning to his female teammate, Naruto grumbled. "This is exactly why I said never call me a genius. Being a genius means you lose simple things, like common sense." Once again, Sasuke and Sakura were forced to wonder whether they had seriously underestimated Naruto.

"What the hell is this kid on about, Kakashi?" The Jounin shrugged.

"Kakashi-sensei, do you not have several somethings sharp at your disposal?" Naruto asked. "And is it also true that so long as he wishes to keep you locked in that jutsu, he cannot move his hand? So why don't you take the chance to slit his wrist, or at least jab a kunai or something into his hand?"

So shocked were they, that it took almost five minutes for either of the two Jounin to do anything. In the end, Zabuza almost lost his hand, and again, Kakashi escaped, and pulled his little 'monkey see, monkey do' routine. Then, of course Haku showed up, took Zabuza away, and he was again designated the pack mule for a chakra exhausted Kakashi. Instead of giving himself back problems, though, Naruto decided to just drag Kakashi to Tazuna's house by his feet. Sure, Sakura bitched at him the whole way there, but it was well worth her harping.

888

"Good morning all." Kakashi said, surprised, yet happy to see his student reading. After informing them that Zabuza was still alive, he'd hoped they'd do as they'd done back home, and start training themselves.

He was glad that at least one of them was still trying to keep busy even while he was out of action. His smile, had one been able to see it, was wide with pride. He was still weary from his bout of chakra exhaustion, and needed the help of a crutch to get around, but it was still time to get to work. If he was right, then they only had a bit over a week to get ready.

"Whatcha reading, Naruto?" The Jounin asked.

"The Uzumaki Guide to Manipulating Elemental Affinities." Kakashi's smile began to fade. "I'm a wind type."

"Naruto, where did you get that?" Kakashi asked.

"It came with the Uzumaki family scroll." Naruto replied easily, pointing to the rather large scroll sitting next to him. '_Man it's awesome having a friend beyond the Fourth Wall. Even if the scroll hadn't existed before, since there's so little knowledge on my clan in the series, and the author wrote it in, it does now._' Leaning over, Kakashi found a scroll that was easily as tall as the Forbidden Scroll, and more than twice in girth. How he'd missed that when he entered the room, he didn't know.

"And just where did you get the Uzumaki family scroll?" Kakashi asked. "Your mother said that the only thing left of your Clan's after Uzushiogakure was destroyed were the basic sealing books, and the sealing techniques that she and the Shodai's wife brought with them. All of which are being held by the Hokage as part of your inheritance when you fulfill the requirements." Sasuke and Sakura could only stare on in shock.

'_The Dobe/Naruto was from a clan?_' Sasuke and Sakura thought. Before you ask, yeah, they did forget that conversation from last chapter.

'_Am I the only one who doesn't come from a powerful clan?_' Sakura added seconds later.

The answer to that question, Sakura, is no. But the irony of the whole thing, is that her clan was almost totally wiped out by the Uchiha during an attempt to form an alliance. The reason, because they were a clan in the same region that had the potential to be as powerful as the Uchiha. The crazy bastards couldn't deal with any other clan being as powerful as them, and tended to go on genocidal romps. The only reason that they didn't do the same with the Senju and Uzumaki, was because Hashirama Senju could easily kick their strongest member's ass even when weakened by the flu. And no, Madara was never able to live that down, and it was part of the reason he was so pissy all the time, had been so adamantly against the alliance, and eventually tried to attack Konoha with Kyuubi. As for the Uzumaki, well, let's just say that people tended to avoid picking fights with them after the - clan decided they wanted the Uzumaki territory, and things didn't go anywhere close to plan.

"Um...really big plothole?" Naruto tried in answer to Kakashi's question. Kakashi stared at him for several moments, before deciding that he'd rather not know, as that meant that he wasn't responsible, and wouldn't have to answer to the Hokage about it. It was then that Kakashi's words really registered with the last Uchiha.

'_The Dobe had an inheritance from a powerful clan._' Sasuke thought. '_Maybe there was something he could use against Itachi._'

"Dobe, give me that scroll." Sasuke demanded, shocking everyone at the table.

"No." Naruto replied, offended that the bastard would just demand he hand over his family's stuff. "I don't see you sharing anything your family left you, so why should I?"

"Because not only do I need that power to kill my brother," Sakura, of course, swooned at his declaration. She was halted mid-swoon by Sasuke's next comment. "But neither you, or that pink waste of space are strong enough to use, or even deserve, them." Both she and Naruto frowned.

"You know, Sasuke," Naruto said. "If you weren't such a dick, I might have let you borrow the section on fire affinities. But now, you can go burn yourself. Maybe you'll get lucky, and turn that duck's ass hairdo into something respectable." Sasuke gave him a fierce glare, and walked away, vowing to just borrow it when Naruto went to sleep.

'_**Yeah, tell that bastard, Naruto!**_' Inner Sakura yelled, punching an imaginary opponent. Sakura, for her part, was undecided on whether she wanted to slap Naruto for insulting Sasuke, or agree with her Inner Persona.

Kakashi gave a sigh of exasperation. While they'd gotten lucky this time, and normally Sasuke completely deserved it- especially this time- this far too common happenstance was starting to grate on his nerves.

"Naruto could you please not antagonize and mock Sasuke?" Kakashi said, getting annoyed at hearing the Uchiha rant about his pain and anguish everytime Naruto did something like this to him.

"But he makes it so easy." Naruto replied. "Not to mention, he started it."

"While that is true, you should be mature enough to show some restraint." Kakashi said.

"I'm twelve, I'm not supposed to be that mature yet."

"Then do it for the sake of my sanity." Kakashi said. "I'll even teach you the one Fuuton jutsu that I know if you stop for at least the duration of the mission." Naruto thought about it for a moment, before nodding.

"Deal." Naruto grinned.

"Alright, you two get ready, I'm taking you down to the docks to start you on Water Walking." Kakashi said. "I'll go get Sasuke, and we'll be on our way."

888

Almost as soon as they'd arrived at the docks, things had gone downhill. After showing them how to perform the technique, Kakashi had left them alone to work, while he guarded Tazuna at the bridge. Naruto let a snicker loose as he thought of what a fight between a nearly crippled Zabuza and a severely weakened Kakashi would be like. The one piece of advice he'd given them, was to start at the shallow end, and work their way to the deeper end as they progressed. Given his knowledge and experience with the technique, it didn't take long for Naruto get his footing in the shallow water, and move to deeper sections. Sakura, whose chakra control was pretty damn unnatural, and who asked for help, got it soon after, but had to rest after each bit of progress made, given her limited reserves.

Sasuke on the other hand, was still trying to get his footing in the shallow end. His pride wouldn't allow him to ask for help, and when either Naruto or Sakura offered to help him, he'd snap at them, and tell that he didn't need any help from weaklings. Naruto didn't bother asking after that, and Sakura only bothered two more times before she gave up as well.

Once he'd gotten far enough into the water that his feet no longer touched the bottom, Naruto placed his hand into a familiar seal, and with a sudden burst of chakra, created over a hundred Kage Bunshin.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Sakura asked from a few meters away.

"Well, since I get the memories and experience of my clones when they pop, this will help me speed up my progress even more."

"Naruto, that's cheating." Sakura yelled.

"And Sasuke being able to copy and learn something without having to do anything but watch it done with his Sharingan isn't?" He asked. "Look, I'm man enough to admit I have the worst chakra control on the team, and having Kage level chakra reserves doesn't help that fact. We both know I need all the help I can get."

Sakura gave an annoyed sigh, she couldn't really deny his words after all.

888

Several hours later, two Genin entered the home of their Wave Country hosts. Both had looks of happiness at the progress they'd made, and couldn't wait to get back out the next day...unless Kakashi-sensei decided to have them on guard duty. Naruto was now back up to where he'd been before his training trip with Ero-Sennin, and was hoping to start sparring with his clones the next day. Sakura had finally gotten to a point where her feet no longer touched the bottom. She'd profusely thanked Naruto for the soldier pill, for she'd have never made it as far as she had on her own flimsy reserves.

As for the third Genin...well he didn't do so well. Seeing his teammates progressing so quickly on something that he was struggling with had stung his pride. He'd only made it to the knee deep waters, and had walked off to sulk around midday. Sasuke wasn't worried. He was still better than the Dobe and the fangirl, and once he had his Sharingan activated, he'd be able to see exactly how to do it. When he finally returned from his training, he gave Naruto a glare of epic proportions (well, it was epic in his mind, rating only about 14,562,317th all time), before immediately heading up to the room he shared with Naruto. He didn't have the scroll with him, so now was his chance to ste-ahem, borrow, yes borrow something useful from the Dobe.

Kakashi returned several minutes later with Tazuna, just as Tsunami began bustling around the kitchen. This is not to be confused with the bustling of a certain redhead matriarch from another unnamed series with an extrememly disappointing climax and ending. No, unlike that other woman, Tsunami used a technique that women like her employed to great effect, and that most often they didn't realize they were using; one I like to call the MILF bustle, and boy did it work for her.

"So, how did things go with your training?" Kakashi asked, already having an idea of what occurred.

"I'm up to a point where I can start training on top of the water." Naruto said, surprising Kakashi. "My large reserves and Kage Bunshin help a lot, so it shouldn't take long before I can do it without thinking about it."

"What about you, Sakura?"

"Well, I got pretty far with it," Sakura answered. "I'm up to a point where my feet no longer touch the ground, but I still have to concentrate." Kakashi's brow raised.

"I gave her a soldier pill." Naruto interrupted.

"Naruto-" Kakashi started.

"Don't worry, I gave it to her in pieces." Naruto said. "Her reserves aren't currently large enough to withstand the boost a whole pill can give you at once. She'll probably have to rest tomorrow, but no harm done."

"Hmm, well you're a little farther along than I thought you'd be, but that's a good thing." Kakashi said, rubbing his chin. "What about Sasuke?"

"He's gonna be awhile." Naruto said, sighing. "A combination of not improving as fast as he felt he should be, and the fact that we were progressing faster than the 'elite Uchiha' hurt his ego, and he wouldn't accept any help. He got up to his knees in the couple hours that he was working on it, which is pretty good all things considered, but it's like he doesn't understand that he's not going to be the best at everything, or something. I mean, with Sakura's lower reserves, and insane control, she's not going to have much trouble with any of the chakra control exercises."

"Oh, and why do you say that?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, considering that until she really starts hitting puberty most of her chakra reserve increases will come by way of chakra control exercises, any growth she has will already be properly controlled. Unless I'm mistaken, her level of control far excedes her reserves, and she'd probably have no trouble maintaining Sasuke's reserves as is."

"And with you, the stupidly high level chakra reserves you have means that you'll be able to keep practicing long after your teammates have tired, and with you gaining the experience of your Kage Bunshin, your progress is accelerated as well. By the way, how many did you have working on this?"

"A little over a hundred, but I didn't start using them until after my feet stopped touching the ground." Naruto saw the question in Kakashi's eye, and beat him to it. "And before you ask, I've been doing a lot of research on chakra control exercises for obvious reasons. I've read up on the theory of Water Walking, and my family scroll had some tips as well."

"Well, I'm proud of your progress." Kakashi said. As he prepared to inform his students about the schedule for the next day, they heard a loud voice proclaim.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" The loud yell drew the attention and attendance of every shinobi in the house to the sound in an almost instant; well Sakura took a little longer, but only because she didn't have the luxury of a certain jutsu.

With Shunshin on their side, Kakashi and Naruto arrived in time to see a huge wraith- one that looked incredibly enough like 'Demon Aura Kushina' as his sensei liked to call her uber pissed mode- placing its hands into the Tora seal, and jamming them up Sasuke's ass. A loud girlish scream echoed in the room as Sasuke was lifted off the ground, and dangled in the air like a coat on a coatrack. Seconds later, the wraith flashed, Sasuke eyes went completely blank, and the wraith disappeared, dropping the boy unceremoniously to the ground.

"Naruto, I thought that we agreed you wouldn't antagonize Sasuke anymore for the rest of the mission?" Kakashi said, putting his traumatized student to sleep with his Sharingan.

"That wasn't my fault, it was part of the protections on the scroll." Naruto replied defensively. "Besides, it's his fault for trying to borrow my stuff without permission." Kakashi sighed, knowing that in this case, he couldn't argue logically, and beginning an argument with Naruto that was devoid of logic...he didn't want to risk that at the moment.

888888888

Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke arrived at the bridge to find it covered in Mist. The workers were all lying on the ground, moaning in pain, and the ninja that they had decided was Zabuza's accomplice was kneeling next to one of them, while several of Zabuza's water clones were standing over them. Just as they moved to rescue the workers, specifically the one being accosted by the accomplice, the water clones surrounded them.

"Kakashi." Zabuza said from the mist. "We don't have to do this."

"Zabuza, you're not going to get me surrender Tazuna." Taking a look at his- shaking in anticipation- student, Kakashi gave an eyesmile.

"Do it, Sasuke." Kakashi said. In a flurry of motion, the Uchiha had killed the clones.

"Damn it." It was at this point that Kakashi actually noticed the non aggressive stance of the Jounin, and became slightly confused, and with good reason.

"Sasuke, you take the accomplice-" His statement was cut off as Sasuke, who had wrongly anticipated his sensei's command, charged at the distracted nin. When Zabuza pulled his sword, and ran to intercept his student, Kakashi knew that fighting was the only choice now. He didn't know why Zabuza had been unwilling to engage them at first, but now that he was, there wouldn't be any holding back.

888

As it turns out, Zabuza and Haku hadn't come to fight, and weren't even responsible for the condition the workers were found in.

You see, the very attractive wife of one of the workers had taken it upon herself to make lunch for the others. The only problem was, she wasn't a very good cook (she fell into the cliche of too hot to be domestically proficient). Normally, this wouldn't have been a problem, as it was still mostly edible. This time however, her just passing acceptable culinary talents were compounded by the fact that the meat she used was bad, and they all ended up with food poisoning. A rather fast acting, created out of plot necessity, food poisoning.

Upon arrival, Haku and Zabuza had found many of the workers laying on the ground, clutching their stomachs, and groaning in pain. Haku, kind hearted being that she was, decided to help them. Zabuza had learned something new that day. When he'd questioned her as to why she wanted him to use the Kirigakure no Jutsu, and make it just a tad thicker than normal, she'd explained one of the little known uses for the jutsu. The mist actually helped ease the aches, and feelings of nausea that were associated with food poisoning (pregnancy and menstruation as well) and could also slow the effects of poisons as the chakra enhanced vapors would attract the poison once it entered the bloodstream along with the inhaled oxygen, and stall the attack on the system proper. She'd also had him make several water clones to keep an eye on the others, in case their conditions took a bad turn.

It was as Haku had started working on the second worker, that Zabuza felt several chakra signatures arrive. Deciding to stave off an unnecessary confrontation, and to keep the Konoha nin from disturbing Haku (who absolutely hated to be bothered while h-she, while she- was healing), Zabuza ordered his clones to surround them.

"Kakashi." Zabuza started. "We don't have to do this-" He found himself interrupted.

"Zabuza, you're not going to get me to surrender Tazuna." Kakashi said, causing Zabuza to gain a confused look.

'_Huh, surrender?_' Zabuza thought. '_What's he talking about? I'm not about to fight them, especially not after that blond brat did...whatever it was to Haku. And why the hell was that brat shaking. Was he having some kind of involuntary spasm?_'

"Do it, Sasuke." Kakashi said. Zabuza watched in frustration as the Uchiha killed his clones, though he was admittedly impressed. Still, that meant more work for him as he had to keep an eye on the workers alone, and hold up the mist.

"Damn it." Zabuza muttered; the last thing he wanted at the moment was a fight.

"Sasuke, you take the accomplice-" Zabuza's eyes widened in horror as the boy charged the distracted kunoichi tending to the workers. As Zabuza ran to intercept the boy about to make a grave mistake, there was only one thing going through his mind.

'_Shit, I hope that little blond kid doesn't show up. He's going to...well I'm not sure, but I doubt I'll like it._' For one to realize his reaction, one only had to go back to a couple days ago.

**Two days ago...**

Team 7 was seated at the table with Tazuna's family eating another wonderfully prepared meal. As he ate, Naruto noticed that he was getting on and off glares from his left, and a steady glare from the right. Sasuke was dividing his glare between himself and Sakura (much to the girls horror), while Inari was focused on their entire team who happened to all be seated together at one end. As Kakashi was going over his plans for their guard duty and training for the next day, he was interrupted.

"Why do you bother trying?" Inari yelled, tears in his eyes. "You'll never be strong enough to beat Gato. No matter what you say, you'll just be killed like everyone else."

"Yeah, unlike you, I'm not about to be owned by some bastard like Gato." Naruto snarked, amused that the gaki had cracked much sooner. If he remembered correctly, Inari hadn't gone on this rant until after he'd met Haku.

"Shut up!" Inari yelled, the tears now falling. "You don't know anything about us. You're always smiling and being happy, none of you know how hard life can be." Naruto and Sasuke immediately stiffened, the latter glaring, and had anyone been able to see beneath his mask, they'd have seen Kakashi's mouth form a thin line.

"Tsunami-san, Tazuna-san, I hope you can forgive me, but I can't take it anymore." Naruto said, standing and appearing suddenly behind Inari. The boy gave out a loud cry of anguish when he was suddenly lifted three feet off the ground by his underpants. Naruto turned the boy so that he could look him in the eye.

"Since my teammates and I have grown tired of listening to you, from now on, I'm going to do this every time we're forced to listen to you whine." Naruto said. "You're not the only one whose had a bad life, you little brat. Have you ever had someone you cared about or trusted try to kill you like me and Sasuke?" Inari shook his head. "Then suck it up, and stop being such a big baby. If you want your circumstances to change, then stop bending over for Gato, and taking it up the ass like everyone else. Be like your grandpa, and do something the hell about it." Naruto then dropped the boy, and watched as he ran from the kitchen to his room.

While Sakura berated Naruto on the outside (although she was wondering about what he'd meant by someone trying to kill he and Sasuke), Inner Sakura was again cheering Naruto on, and proclaiming him the second best teammate ever. It should be noted that the sign she held up that detailed the difference in awesomeness between Sasuke and Naruto showed a much smaller gap than the time before. NB would like to take a moment to question this girls sanity, considering that just a couple days prior, she'd been angry at Sasuke for calling her a waste of space.

"Naruto," Kakashi began.

"Don't bother, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto interrupted. "I know what you're going to say, and even if you are right, I'm too annoyed to care at the moment. I'm going out, don't wait up."

8888

Early the next morning, an extremely effeminate boy could be found staring out the second floor window of a multi-level, overly elaborate, beehive shaped treehouse. Haku smiled sadly to himself, knowing that Gouzu and Meizu would have had a fit if they'd known that he had referred to their base as such. They had been like older brothers, and they would be missed. Unfortunately, Haku couldn't dwell on that, he had a lot of things to do today, first of which was gathering some herbs to help speed up Zabuza-sama's recovery. Untying his hair, Haku let the soft, raven strands fall down his back.

A quick glance at the mirror caused the boy to sigh again, as beautiful, feminine features stared back at him. It was these features that made it so hard for the boy to find someone special; well aside from his makeshift family.

Now, one thing to realize about Haku, was that he didn't necessarily swing both ways, more like he just didn't have a true sexual preference. Growing up isolated, and as the perfect tool for Zabuza had never allowed him to truly develop a preference, so when he finally hit puberty, he found that his hormones were reacting to both men and women. Unfortunately, he hadn't had much luck in the social life area with either gender, even when Zabuza did allow him time off to try.

With women, he always found himself attracting the attention of beautiful, but shallow girls. Ones that ultimately couldn't deal with the fact that he probably looked hotter to most heterosexual guys than she did. Then, when he found a girl who wasn't bothered by that, they were usually bishounen yaoi fetishists of such an extreme nature as to frighten him.

With men, it was just as bad. He either wound up attracting heterosexual men, or homosexual men who didn't like the fact that he looked so much like a woman. For some reason, he could never find a guy that liked both.

Haku shook his head of such thoughts. He had a job to do, and contemplating his lack of a social life would not get that done. Removing his normal attire, he pulled on his favorite pink kimono, one decorated with small red spirals. NB would like to point out the irony of the design, especially considering certain events that were soon to take place. Anyway, once he'd also adorned a small black choker- one that served to not only add to the non-threatening feminine look, but also hide his Adam's Apple- he headed for the exit to his living space.

Sparing a glance at his bedridden master as he passed through the first level, Haku stopped only long enough to put his sandals on, before heading out of the building. A short sprint, and he landed in an area that had an abundance of the herbs he was looking for. Haku made haste picking the herbs for Zabuza, not willing to take the chance that Gato might visit while he was gone.

As he knelt at the edge of a clearing, a freshly picked herb in his hand, Haku spotted the blond boy who had made the rather interesting observation about the Suirou no Jutsu. He was dozing under a tree, but it was far from a peaceful sleep. He was moaning like he was in pain, and thrashing wildly, possibly in the midst of a nightmare. Haku pulled a senbon from the sleeve of his kimono, but paused, finding himself oddly unable to just kill this boy. Sighing, Haku replaced his senbon.

Remembering some of his own night terrors, and feeling uncomfortable with just allowing the boy to suffer, Haku decided to act. Just as he reached out to touch the boy...

"Gah, bad kitty!" Naruto screamed, bolting up, only to find himself staring at the most beautiful face he'd ever seen. And considering some of the women he'd met in his life (Mei, Mabui, that girl that Ero-Sennin ran off with when they were searching for baachan), that was saying something.

"Are you all right?" The criminally sexy voice of the older nin asked.

"I will be." Naruto grinned. "So, what are you doing out here?"

888

Naruto grinned. This meeting was going the exact same way as it had the last time. Well, with one major difference that he was about to make now.

"You're really beautiful." Naruto said. "I wish I could have a girlfriend as beautiful as you. Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend?"

Haku sighed. Another relationship request, and yet another handsome potential suitor he was forced to turn down; he just couldn't catch a break. And while he knew that being Zabuza's tool meant that he lived his life for his master, that didn't mean the man was so cruel as to deny Haku a social life- well to an extent, anyway- should he find one.

It was times like this that Haku really hated being a boy with the petiteness and facial structure of a beautiful woman. Why couldn't he have just been born a girl instead, or even been given feminine curves. At least then he could have gotten implants, and passed himself off as an unlucky futanari. There were a surprisingly decent number of guys who were into that. But alas, he was all male, and unforunately the young man in front of him didn't give off the 'I swing both ways' vibe.

"I'm flattered, Naruto-kun, but I'm a boy." Haku said, smiling sweetly. Naruto remembered all of the fics he'd read where Haku was really a girl pretending to be a boy, and ended up his lover, pseudo sister, or tool/sex toy (oddly enough at her own insistence in most cases). Sadly, his nose told him that his Haku really was a boy...at least for now. No point in letting such beauty go to waste. Naruto remembered the conversation he'd had with Kyuubi a few days ago when he'd told him what he was going to do.

Flashback

"_**You're really going to use one of your changes to make that boy a girl?**_" Kyuubi asked in his head.

"_Yup._" Naruto thought back. "_Why should I have to settle for Sakura, when I can have a super hottie like fem!Haku?_" The Kyuubi thought about that for a second, and had to admit that the brat had a point.

"_**Okay, I'll give you that, but don't you dare leave out that Hyuuga girl.**_" The fox spat. "_**You've seen how much she develops when you're gone with the pervert. She's already in love with you brat, you better claim that ass and bosom, or I'll personally make things very difficult for you.**_"

"_Hello, have you been paying attention. I already plan to marry Hinata someday if she'll have me._" Naruto said. "_But I'm gonna wait until after my training with Jiraiya. She's way too adorable right now, and I'd feel like I a dirty old man taking advantage of an innocent little girl._"

"_**You're only four years her senior as it is, brat.**_" The fox, grunted. "_**Even mentally.**_"

"_That's true, but even if I were the same age as her mentally, I'd still feel that way._" The Kyuubi gave an infamous Uchiha grunt. After all, the fox completely understood what the brat meant. The brat better not wait too long though, that was how he'd lost that cute Uzumaki girl to Dorky McWoody (1).

_**Flashback End**_

"Nuh uh, you're a girl." Naruto argued, just as he'd planned. "A really pretty girl." Haku gave him an odd look, before sending pity his way.

"I'm sorry, but I am a boy." Haku reiterated, causing Naruto to frown. "It's alright, others have made that mistake as well." Naruto gave the boy (yeah right) a glare.

"You. Are. A. Girl." Naruto said, forcefully. Haku, who was starting to get annoyed, was about to argue further, when Naruto raised his eyebrow, and cleared his throat expectantly.

Haku's words of declaration of his masculinity (snicker) were cut short as a pair of perky B-cup breasts, topped with even more perky nipples, sprouted on his chest. This was followed by his junk shrinking to nothing, his penis changing into a decently prominent clitoris, and his Adam's apple disappearing. Next, the young...uhh...person felt a burning sensation inside their body, as certain gender specific organs and innards began to shift and morph, and he felt the skin, flesh, muscle, etc. between his legs split and morph into a certain opening. Finally, when the hard, flat planes of Haku's figure became soft, feminine curves, there was nothing more the young kunoichi could say. In a rather subdued and confused- but very sexy- voice Haku spoke.

"I-I'm a girl." Haku, who'd noticed that her normally soft, husky voice was now quite sexy, finally admitted to herself.

"And a very sexy one at that." Naruto replied, making her blush. "Now, take me to your boss, I need to tell him something." Still shocked and confused as to how she'd gone from a boy to a girl, Haku just went along with the order. The short trip was made in siilence, and when the pair arrived at the small hide out, Haku entered first. As soon as the door opened, Zabuza spoke up.

"Haku, good you're back." He said. "We need to start getting ready for...huh?" Zabuza paused as he looked up. The Mist Nuke-nin blinked, then again, then a third time, before settling for a look of confusion.

"I'm a girl." Haku said, still somewhat shocked and confused herself. Though if she were really honest with herself, this would make things much easier for her love life.

"...I see." Zabuza answered.

He was about to ask how it happened, but then decided he really didn't want to know. Though it was extremely creepy, having a hot female tool was a lot easier to deal with than having the undisputed idol (2) of bishounin tools. Of course, that also meant that he'd have to deal with monthly cycles, screwed up hormones, emotional inconsistencies, and threatening dates, if she ever managed to get one. A wide grin actually spread over his face at that last thought. Maybe he would finally get the chance to threaten a date with Haku like this. Ringo (3) had always bragged about how fun it could be.

"Anyway, we need to do some recon. Once I'm healed, we will finish this mission." Just then a voice interrupted.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that." Naruto entered the large tree house, for that was what it was, and gave Zabuza a foxy grin. Despite her confusion, Haku couldn't help but gain a light blush at the handsome look. Naruto suddenly found the point of a sword at his throat.

"You've got some balls coming here kid." The Jounin said.

"I just want to talk." Naruto said. Zabuza suddenly felt compelled to hear him out, while Naruto heard a voice in his ear that sounded like 'a freebie'.

"You've got thirty seconds." He said.

"Gato is a creepy little bastard, and we both know he's going to end up double crossing you." Naruto said quickly.

"How do you know this?" Now Zabuza was never one to just take information at face value, but given that the kid had pointed out a major flaw in the Water Prison, it would be wise to at least hear him out.

"Call it a hunch." Naruto replied. "Besides, did Gato ever give you the impression that you could trust him to keep his word."

"He has a point, Zabuza-sama." The super sexy voice of Haku intoned. Zabuza was forced to remind himself that he saw Haku as just his asexual t...oh who was he kidding, his s- oops, that was daughter now- when he heard her voice use that particular honorific. Ten kinds of wrong, that.

"Okay, give me a good reason why I shouldn't kill you kid." Zabuza said. "Before I go and kill the midget."

"Because I'm pretty sure you're not gay," Naruto started; afterall he _had_ seen a few fics where Zabuza and Haku were both male, and had a much deeper relationship than he'd ever considered possible. One that would have had Sakura with a mask like Kakashi's made of blood.

Zabuza, who was about to cut down the boy regardless of what he said, paused. What could him killing the brat have to do with his sexuality? He continued readying his sword to attack, but decided to at least hear the brat out, and discovered that it was a very good idea.

"So that means that you're likely into the Icha Icha Paradise series. My godfather happens to be the author of said series, so I'm pretty sure if I express an interest, I could get you signed, free copies for life." Naruto noticed the man's hand stall. "Come on, the power of Icha compels you." Zabuza had to admit, it was a very convincing argument. Free Icha Icha for life.

"I'll think about it brat." He growled. "Now get out of my sight before I change my mind." Nodding, Naruto threw out one last comment.

"Ne, Haku-chan, that offer of being my girlfriend is still open if you want it." He said. "I promise to treat you good." Naruto then disappeared in a swirl of bubbles, gaining a look of confusion from the former Mist ninja.

"Zabuza-sama, I think we should take his offer." Haku said after Naruto left.

"Oh?" He asked, noticing the very intense red covering the normally pale features of his apprentice.

"Yes, not only would it give us the chance to find out what happens to Miko in Volume II of Icha Icha Violence, but that boy somehow turned me into a girl. He did this without touching me, or using any kind of jutsu. We do not know what all he is capable of doing to an enemy, and I do not wish to find out." '_Not to mention that his offer is appealing, and I'd like to try out my new body with him. He was rather handsome, and we got along well during the time we had alone._'

Zabuza thought about both points his so- daughter, it was daughter now- the points his daughter had made. Never having to wait so long to find out what happened next in his beloved Icha Icha was a plus, not to mention that Konoha was always the first to get the new books (he now knew why). There was also the fact that last he'd checked, Haku had been a boy; a very beautiful Bishounin boy, but still a boy. That the brat had turned _him_ into a _her_ was worrying, and he really didn't want to know what else that brat was capable of doing if he could so drastically change a person's physiology without touching them.

Not to mention that extra little subtle threat the brat had cunningly added. It was well known that Jiraiya of the Sannin was the author of Icha Icha, and if what the brat said was true, that meant he was Jiraiya's godson, and that meant that should he bring harm to the boy, he'd have to deal with Jiraiya looking into his bounty. Whether the boy was bluffing or not, Zabuza was smart enough to realize that when comparing himself- and even Haku- to one of the Sannin, it was best to err on the side of caution.

888

"Naruto, where have you been?" Kakashi asked as soon as he entered the house.

"Talking to this hot girl, and her dad." Naruto said. "If I play my cards right, I might be able to get me a 'buddy' here in Wave." Unsurprisingly, Kakashi was the only one who approved of Naruto's time spent. Fortunately, he was also the only one who truly understood what Naruto was hinting at.

"Leave it to you to try and make friends in a hostile environment." Sasuke sneered.

"You'd better be glad that I promised Kakashi-sensei that I wouldn't antagonize you for the rest of the mission." Naruto grumbled. "Anyway, where's the crybaby, I've got something to show him."

"What do you want?" A voice sounded from behind.

"I've got a present for you." Naruto said, gesturing for the boy to follow him. Half an hour later, Inari came back in, not quite happy, but less solomn than he'd been.

"Inari-kun, where's Naruto?" The boy's mother asked.

"He went to do some more training." The boy responded.

Much later that evening, Naruto returned with a smile on his face. His training had been very fruitful. While he hadn't quite gotten the pure Fuuton Manipulation down, he was making progress, and had already gotten the jutsu Kakashi had finally showed him down. Naruto had left a small area full of trees looking the worse for wear, and was completely exhausted.

**Present Day...**

Now, before we get moving, for anyone who is interested, Naruto's heroic rescue of Tsunami and her son was far less impressive than normal canon. As Naruto finished dressing, he happened to look out the window in time to see Inari confronting the two thugs.

As Inari ran at the man holding his mother, practically right into the path of the blade- like he was suicidal or something- Naruto appeared to save the day...sort of. The shirtless thug swung his poorly maintained katana, trying to cut Inari to pieces, only to find his strike blocked by Naruto. With a cry of-

"Nut Shot!" -Naruto kicked the shirtless man in the nads, effectively ending his effectiveness. Using the technique he was shown, and the weapon he was given, Inari took advantage of the distraction, and jabbed the senbon in his hand forward with a cry of.

"Inverted Sennin Coroshi! (4)"

As it would happen, Tsunami is a very attractive woman, a Grade A MILF, so it would stand to reason that she'd cause certain reactions in men...expecially the hired thugs of an asshole who condones the rape of female hostages. Unfortunately for them, NB is taking point on this fic, and not only despises rape, but thought they were failures as characters. Therefore, when Inari used the technique that Naruto had showed him, he jabbed the senbon in at such an angle, that the loser with the long hair got himself a sharp, metal catheter. One that happened to be nearly as thick as the thing it was being jammed into.

And we're moving on.

888

As she again, happily, peppered the dark haired boy with needles- both ice and normal- Haku thought back on how the situation had devolved from the first move. Haku had found herself disappointed when the group from Konoha had shown up, and interrupted her medical work. It didn't help their situation that Naruto-sama hadn't been with them. After the initial shock of actually being turned into a girl had worn off, Haku was overjoyed. That boy had given her the thing she'd always wanted, and she had decided that he was to be her suitor if he accepted.

Then, out of nowhere, the idiot she was currently fighting had jumped the gun before they could relay that they didn't want to fight, and she could question Naruto-sama's relationship status. After that, Zabuza-sama had jumped in, then Kakashi, and now they were all fighting. Haku hoped to whatever deity that was watching that Naruto-sama didn't find out about this.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Naruto called out, using a wind jutsu to disperse the mist. "Zabuza, you don't get the free Icha if you attack my sensei. And you, Haku, if you're going to be my girlfriend, we can't have you getting into fights with my teammates."

"Hey, we came in peace," Zabuza shot back. "That hot-headed little brat with the duck's ass haircut attacked us first, we just defended ourselves."

"Sasuke, you bastard, if you've ruined my chances with Haku, I'm going to tie you to a bed naked with no way to escape, and leave you to the tender mercies of your fangirls." Sasuke's face took on one of anger and horror. Sakura, who'd heard the yelled comment, collapsed with a nosebleed.

"You're getting your ass kicked, Zabuza." A voice suddenly echoed over the bridge. "You Mist ninja are so disappointing."

"Gato!" Zabuza growled. "Why are you here? And with those worthless bums?"

"Well, the thing is, I'm gonna have you killed right here." Gato bragged. "I never actually planned to pay you." Over where Haku and Sasuke had been fighting, Naruto winked at the beautiful kunoichi.

"See, I told ya." Naruto said. "He's a douche of epic proportions."

"See, hiring ninja from villages is too expensive, and they might turn on me." Gato continued. "That's why I hire Missing nin. I let the ninja beat each other up, and then I overwhelm them with numbers."

"Yeah, we can easily kill you now." One of the thugs called.

"Yeah, and once we've killed all of you, we're going to take that little girlfriend of yours, and have her make me some money. Might even take that pink haired girl too." Gato then started a sick laugh that sent feelings of utter wrong down Sakura's back. Oops, did I forget to mention that she'd awakened from her naughty thoughts induced faint? Well, for the record, she did.

It was at this point that the ninja sensed something flying through the air. A single senbon needle flew through the air, into Gato's mouth, and out the back of his neck, piercing his brain stem. The man was dead before he even realized he'd been hit, falling to the ground with a thump.

'_Kami that was sexy._' Naruto thought.

"Well, glad that's over." Naruto said. "Good shot, Haku-chan." She smiled beautifully, and Naruto felt his heart racing.

"Hey, what are you guys celebrating for?" One of the thugs yelled.

"Yeah, you guys killed our meal ticket! So now we're gonna go pillage this town instead!" One of the other thugs yelled. The chorus of agreements made Naruto frown.

"Kakashi, I'd suggest that you cover their eyes unless you want your precious Genin to see this." Zabuza, who was still a little pissed at the betrayal, and the audacity that these untrained thugs thought they could handle a Jounin, one who was fairly good on chakra, and had minimal injury, was ready to feed these bastards to his sword. That they had threatened his so-gah, daughter- was another strike against them.

"Fuck you bandage face." Naruto grunted. "Just sit back and let me handle this."

"Naruto." Kakashi started, but was promptly interrupted.

"I'm the only non-useless one here who hasn't had a chance to fight, so let me take care of this. Besides, I gotta do something to impress Haku if I want her to be my girlfriend, right?" Luckily Sakura, who was currently pre-occupied with gushing over the waking Sasuke, didn't hear the comment, or she'd have harped about it for who knows how long.

"That's a lot of mercs for a kid." Zabuza said, pointedly ignoring the girlfriend comment for the moment.

"Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto called ignoring Zabuza's comment, and suddenly there was one of him for every one of Gato's thugs.

"Or not." The villagers arrived as the swarm of orange descended upon the hired thugs. It was a good thing that Zabuza was watching Naruto in stunned disbelief, or he'd have noticed Haku's face turning a very bright red, and a small trickle of blood dribble from her nose.

888

A little less than a week after the battle, the members of Team 7 sat around the dinner table with Tazuna, his family, and a pair of new guests. One of said guests had just ground all conversation to a halt with a single, simple answer to a question. They were all waiting for dinner to be brought to the table, all famished from a hard days work on the bridge...well, all but one, and that was only because he still hadn't mastered the water walking exercise. He still stubbornly refused any help offered, and his attitude was further compounded by the fact that a few meters away, a couple dozen clones were all sitting on top of the water, their arms covered in leaves. This on top of the hundred or so that Naruto had helping build the bridge, a skill he'd learned in a single day with the help of another hundred or so Shadow Clones.

Anyway, back on topic, the dinner, the conversation, and the screeching halt. What had the kind hearted young woman said, that had resulted in two Jounin with amused, raised eyebrows- or eyebrow areas in one case- three civilians with shocked looks decorating their faces, one patented Uchiha glare number 31, one Genin kunoichi's chin getting snuggly with a table, and one blond with a slightly red face? Well, before that, let's go back just a tab bit further to find out what led to the question, that received the answer.

"Ne, Haku-chan," Naruto started, getting her attention. "Have you given any thought to coming back to Konoha with us?"

"Hai, I have, Naruto-sama." She replied. "If it is all right with Zabuza-sama, then I would be happy to make Konoha my home."

"Since when is the Dobe, Naruto-sama?" Sasuke growled.

"Not that I agree with his tone, I'm a little curious of this myself, Haku." Zabuza said.

"I have decided to address him as Naruto-sama for two reasons." Haku said. "First, I have grown too used to calling people I'm deeply fond of by that honorific. While Gouzu and Meizu were close comrades, you have been the only person in that position for most of my life." Zabuza nodded. "The second reason is because of what he did to me. That kind of power, whatever it was, deserves to be respected, as does its wielder."

"And what is it that he did to you?" Kakashi and Sakura asked at the same time. One with an amused, yet somewhat fearful, curiosity, the other a note of hostility in her voice.

"He made me a woman." Was Haku's simple answer. And that folks, is how with a case of massive double entendre, she ended the conversation at the table.

Kakashi had a look of immense pride on his face. Sakura gave both Haku and Naruto severe glares. The three Wave residents gasped in shock- well, two gasped, the third just looked confused. The raven haired, Sharingan brat switched from glare number 31, to Uchiha Glare Number 64. Zabuza's face took on one of immense amusement, as Naruto's face became beet red. A second later, when Haku thought back and finally realised what it sounded like she said, and what they were probably thinking happened, matched Naruto's redness. An interesting note point, is that she made no attempt to correct the perverted thinkings of the others, further amusing Zabuza.

Another bit of random trivia, was that Zabuza was inwardly frowning. His plans for intimidating Haku's future dates and boyfriends had gone down the drain when he realised that his daughter had intentions for the blond. With everything he held over the man, there was nothing he could do to the blond. The fact that he could not only hold the precious Icha hostage, but he also wielded that unknown power pretty much crushed any fear he might be able to try and garner.

"No way that Dobe could have before me-" Sasuke muttered. "-and she even called him Naruto-sama afterwards?" There were several amused stares at the Uchiha, and Naruto couldn't help taking advantage of the opportunity he'd been given.

"Aww, are you angry cuz the pretty girl called _me_ -sama, and not you?" Naruto teased. "Maybe if your hair didn't look like a ducks ass, she'd have picked you instead." The look on Haku's face was very telling as to what she thought of that statement. As Sasuke finally snapped, and tried to bodily tackle his teammate, Naruto formed a handseal, and disappeared in a swirl of duck feathers, further adding insult.

"Naruto-" Kakashi started, before a clone popped in.

"Boss wants me to tell you that's the last time, promise." The clone said. "Well, the last time till we get back inside Konoha's gates."

"If you will excuse me, I am going to go take a bath." Haku said. Yes, a nice long bath was in order. Now that she had the chance, Haku planned to fully familiarize herself with her new body...well, the stuff that she didn't need a book, or to cut herself open, to make an acquaintance with. And before you perverts even think about it, Haku asked me to inform you it was for completely practical, non-sexual purposes.

8888

We begin this portion of our story with a short bit of foresight into demons, and an interesting proposition. It is within human nature to repress traumatic memories such as the one Naruto had experienced with Tora, and the one involving the Hokage's teammates- old people doing things they should have stopped doing a long time ago, and being happy for 'seeing Alice', whatever that meant.

Demons, on the other hand, never forgave, and they never forgot. Now while a great asset at most times, this was also a double edged sword, because, unlike humans, demons couldn't suppress traumatizing memories. It was for this reason that the Kyuubi would make Naruto an offer he couldn't refuse.

As Naruto prepared to do a bit more Fuuton training- he'd been reading about an exercise in his family scroll that was noted as being particularly relaxing- he found himself dragged down into his mindscape, right in front of the cage that held his tenant.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of gracing your presence?" Naruto asked sarcastically, expecting an equally sarcastic, or condescending one in return. Sure the Kyuubi wasn't a complete evil like previously, but the fox was still a dick.

"Alright kit, I've got a deal for you." Kyuubi said. Naruto actually took a closer at the fox- for it was never cordial. What he found was a harried looking fox that looked to not have slept in a very long time. Naruto would never have thought he'd see a frightenend look on Kyuubi's face in any situation that didn't involve a certain geriatric Uchiha, but it was the traumatized glaze to its eyes that really got his attention.

"What's up, fox?" Naruto asked. "You don't look so good."

"Demons cannot suppress memories." Kyuubi said shuddering. "I need your help to get rid of a particular one."

"Oh?" Naruto asked. "Which one?"

"The one with Tora that you've managed to mostly suppress." Now Naruto could have been a bastard, and taunted him, but the only person he'd ever wish that memory on was Madara, and that was only after the whole turning Sasuke into a raving psycho thing. "I'm willing to give you my chakra...all of it, with no side effects...if you suppress that memory for me."

"And just how am I supposed to do that?"

"Alcohol," It said. "-if you consume enough alcohol that I forget about what happened with that cat, I'll let you have my chakra, and you won't even have to fight me like that version of you in that comic did."

"While I can hold my liquor with the best of them, once I'm actually drunk, I can't function very well." Naruto said. "You've seen my memories, you know that I'm like drunk Lee on steroids, only I'm exceedingly happy and...affectionate." Even now, he was tempted to go and apologize to Kiba's mom, even if she'd invited him to move in and become her personal boytoy the next morning. "Not to mention, I'll probably blow my cover."

"You won't have to worry about being drunk, because I'll be absorbing all of the effects it has on your system, and filtering the negative effects of drinking that much."

888

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, and a beautiful day for a neighbor, but Kakashi wasn't feeling as happy about it as one should have been. Why you ask, because his student had just given him a death sentence. When he'd first passed Squad 7, Sarutobi had held him after the meeting, and told him in a no nonsense manner that nothing serious had better happen to Naruto. Now one would think that he meant something like Naruto dying, but that was only one of the minor grievances. Sure it would have been like losing a grandson, but considering the hazards of the job, he would understand, even as much as he wished it hadn't happened.

No, the issues that Sarutobi were stressing were the shinobi vices and pitfalls. Kakashi was informed in no uncertain terms, that Naruto was not to become addicted to drinking, sex, or gambling. Nor was he to allow Naruto to become an emotionless drone, a creepy sumbitch with a blood fetish, anything related to youth or the season of Spring, or any of the other eccentric quirks that Konoha's shinobi have been known for. He'd almost had a scare when Naruto decided to steal his lateness/lame excuses gimmick, but because Naruto only did it for team meetings, and he was obviously doing it to mock him, the Hokage let it slide.

This time, however, Kakashi was fearing for his life. Naruto was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast; but that's not what had his features pale, or his teammates looking at him in shock. No, that was the result of the insanely huge bottle of sake that was sitting next to his plate. How could he have underestimated the effect Naruto's first kills would have had on his precious student? Add to that the fact that it was not just one enemy, but several dozen. Killing all those mercs, even if the deaths were accidental, must have been too much for his mind to handle, and now he's begun to drown himself in alcohol. He'd even thought that having that cute girl talk to him about it would help, but apparently not, it only stalled the inevitable. Sarutobi was going to kill him for letting Naruto develop a drinking habit.

"Naruto, are you alright?" Kakashi asked. "You can talk to me, you know, you don't have to do that. I'm sure even Zabuza or Haku wouldn't mind talking to you about it."

"Trust me, Kakashi-sensei, this is the only way to forget." Naruto replied. "There are just somethings man was not meant to remember." Kakashi paled. It seemed Naruto was taking this harder than he'd thought. The Hokage was definitely going to kill him, now.

'_I knew I shouldn't have let them talk me into continuing this mission after the Demon Brothers showed up._'

888

A few days later, as the people of Wave gathered to see the group of shinobi off, Tazuna posed a question.

"So what do we name the bridge?" He asked. "It has to be something super cool since it's a super bridge."

"How about the Great Naruto Bridge?" Inari put forth. "After the person who gave hope back to our country." The cheers told Tazuna that the name had been accepted.

"I like it." He said, before thinking to himself. '_Besides, anyone that can turn an enemy ninja into his girlfriend, and get her to sleep with him after one meeting, deserves to have a bridge named after them._'

888

The trip back to Konoha was a rather interesting one for the group.

Naruto and Haku were walking calmly side by side, the elder girl sending subtle glances his way; cheeks pinking just a bit each time. Naruto had a huge smile on his face for succeeding where he'd failed before. Not only had he saved Zabuza and Haku, but he'd gotten an uber hot girlfriend out of the deal. Still, he couldn't help but think he was forgetting something.

Ahead of them, Kakashi and Sakura lead the group. Kakashi looked like he was walking to his death, and given the rather large jug of sake that Naruto had bought in Wave that was currently half empty when it had been full not too long ago, he felt he was justified in this. Sakura, who was standing next to him, was trying to figure out why the girl had shunned someone as cool, handsome, and amazing as Sasuke-kun, for a loser like Naruto. Sure, the baka had his moments- and damn if they weren't some pretty amazing ones when they occurred- and her crush could be a dick sometimes, but Sasuke-kun was still much better. Sure she was happy that the- admittedly much more beautiful than either she or Ino- girl wasn't going to be compitition, especially since Sasuke actually liked her, but she was still highly nonplussed by the situation.

Behind the couple, Zabuza and Sasuke were bringing up the rear. The elder ninja could only stare at the two youngsters in front of him. The blond was something else, having changed Haku so much, and making him really realize what he truly felt for the b...girl, the girl. Haku, the little brat had somehow broken through his emotionless defenses, and become like the so- gah, the daughter- daughter that he'd always wanted. And now his little mini has hims- grr, herself- herself a boyfriend, and that meant certain talks had to be retalked, with stresses on the opposite side he'd taught the bo- girl, the girl Zabuza- before.

'_Shit, this change is going to take some getting used to._' Zabuza thought.

Looking over, he could sense the glare the brat was giving his teammate, and couldn't help but almost smirk. That brat actually thought he had a chance with Haku. That arrogance, the superior looks, the attitude that he must have thought was cool, and the sense of entitlement that he seemed to exude pretty much guaranteed that Haku wouldn't be giving the boy the time of day anytime soon. Haku may have been seriously sheltered, but she had somehow developed some very good standards in men. Zabuza's eyes widened with pride as he realized he'd gotten that address of Haku's gender right on the first try.

About two miles out from Konoha, something occurred to Naruto.

'_Hey, NB,_' Naruto calls. '_The Uchiha have an obsession with tomatoes, right._'

"Yeah." NB replied. "Well, except for Itachi and Mikoto's pocky obsession, but yeah, most Uchiha prefer tomatoes (5)."

'_Well, since I haven't used it, and it'll go to waste as soon as we reenter Konoha, I want to use my second Wave change to give Madara a severe allergic reaction to tomatoes._'

"That's kind of mean."

'_It's either that, or I use one of my changes to get your personal OC, Kazuma, in the fic._' Naruto stated in a tone that NB didn't like. '_Then I'll proceed to torment him for every mention you have of him being with my Hinata_._ Then, I'll personally hook him up with Sakura later after the timeskip. Not only that, but I'll call in my favor for Tora, so that you can't do anything about it._'

"Madara it is." NB said.

Sure, he didn't have a problem with Sakura anymore, and he could admit that grown up Sakura was kind of sexy in her own way; that didn't take away the volatile temper, and her abusive streak. Given that Kazuma was just barely scraping Chuunin in everything except chakra, ninjutsu (and really most of that was medical techniques), and fuinjutsu, that was an abusive relationship just waiting to happen.

'_Goody, I'll let you decide what kind of reaction he has._' Naruto said. NB got a sinister smile on his face. Maybe he'd treat Madara's reaction like Naruto's Shunshin, completely random, and rarely the same (I mean really, the classics were classics for a reason). Maybe he'd even let the readers give some input. Some of them were even more sick, twisted, and vindictive than he could be.

88888888

1. yes, this is a subtle reference to the Shodai and his wife

2. do a wikipedia or google search for Japanese media idols

3. one of the seven swordsmen of zabuza's generation; introduced in chapter 522

4. Yes, Inari said the name wrong.

5. Yes, if you must know, I'm insinuating several things with this statement. No offense intended if you like tomatoes.

88888888

There you have it, another major failure of a chapter. The next chapter will be awhile as I'm moving back to Changes and my Icha Series for the summer since both my beta and I will be out of school.

Special thanks to Selonianth for the duck feather Shunshin.

Now in other unrelated news, same situation as last chapter.

In the original version, I have set up Karin to be one of Naruto's girls. This set up was initially thought up shortly after Sasuke tried to kill her in canon, and she decided to give up on him. Now, she's somehow fallen right back into her obsession with Sasuke- again, after he showed a blatant disregard for her life- and I find myself having lost all respect I had for her. My question to you is, should I still add her to the original's harem roster, or should I just leave it for the uber harem?


End file.
